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Miscellaneous Ephemera => Everything Else => Topic started by: malcontent on July 31, 2008, 02:21:36 PM

Title: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on July 31, 2008, 02:21:36 PM
At the corner of my street there is a presbytarian church. This church has one of those billboard things where they post godly saying meant to convince you to go to church or warm the heart or something...

This is what it reads this month.

"When God measures you he puts the tape around the heart"

So... post the shit you read on church billboards! Some of them are funny like that one.. some of them are ridiculous and some actually make you think. I want to hear them all!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on July 31, 2008, 02:42:53 PM
My all-time fave is still "Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in Hell"

jdfu!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: CaffeinatedCassadie on July 31, 2008, 04:42:26 PM
One time this church across the street from my school had a sign that said "CHRIST MAKES IT POSSIBLE TO COME". Ahaha that one was funny. Damn mexican church! just kidding yosmark!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Beth on July 31, 2008, 05:15:51 PM
'Happy Birthday Jesus' makes me laugh every year. especially when there's balloons too.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Killer Queen on July 31, 2008, 05:23:40 PM
Next to my university is a very large 10 ft banner on a church roof that reads "God Loves Students!"

I've always dreamed of putting it in front of my old public school. Not really sure why.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: ___ampersand on July 31, 2008, 09:55:35 PM
"Jesus Says:
Life is like a game of tennis--even when you have nothing, you still have love."
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Street Magic on July 31, 2008, 10:05:01 PM
there is a church next-door to the local Dairy Queen (which, for all you non-southerners, is an old Texas fast food chain. it sells burgers and stuff but mostly markets on its ice cream).

and today the church billboard said:
"OUR SUNDAYS ARE BETTER THAN DAIRY QUEEN'S"

lol.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Hayley Fiasco! on July 31, 2008, 10:27:17 PM
There's a church not that far from my house and they have all sorts of different changing signs - funny ones, just boring spiritual ones etc.

The one that I remember off the top of my head:

"Seven days without church makes one weak"
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Molotovna on July 31, 2008, 10:33:05 PM
I like this thread. While I've seen plenty of humorous Church signs, conveniently enough, I can't think of any right now. Have to think...
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: gargantuan on July 31, 2008, 11:22:30 PM
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/gargantuan13/churchsign-1.jpg)

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"
 ;D
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Corona-Radiata1203 on July 31, 2008, 11:42:10 PM
one time, me and my girlfriend were walking around downtown at night, and there was this Jesus sign under an Insurance place, and it said something like "Jesus will come at a time you least expect it" ( haha well he better be wearing protection)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: CeeGBee on July 31, 2008, 11:59:45 PM
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/gargantuan13/churchsign-1.jpg)

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"
 ;D
You laugh....
I recall a really great Dolls show in a Synagogue in DC...  I sure do.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on August 02, 2008, 02:09:33 AM
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a247/gargantuan13/churchsign-1.jpg)

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"
 ;D
You laugh....
I recall a really great Dolls show in a Synagogue in DC...  I sure do.

Jews are cooler than christians.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: guuurrrrrllltakeiteasy on August 02, 2008, 02:54:05 PM
"The best position is on your knees"
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: ~Louise~ on August 03, 2008, 10:21:40 AM
the church's sign across from my old high school had those movable letters so kids would rearrange them to say something else funny. conveniently, i cant think of any
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Haushinka on August 03, 2008, 10:46:17 AM
I have a weird fascination with ameican culture- These are all ripped from boners.com, but they are all-time favourites, and have all been screensavers.

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/21nfvq9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/20u8nxd.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.tinypic.com/iz6q2g.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.tinypic.com/sv4fw0.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i35.tinypic.com/2gwwcn9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on August 03, 2008, 10:47:45 AM
This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: ___ampersand on August 03, 2008, 02:52:50 PM
Hahah so the pentecostal church down the road today:
"God loves technology: He'll answer your KNEE-mail."
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: ___ampersand on August 03, 2008, 02:54:58 PM
one time, me and my girlfriend were walking around downtown at night, and there was this Jesus sign under an Insurance place, and it said something like "Jesus will come at a time you least expect it" ( haha well he better be wearing protection)
Hahah shit, I forgot about that.

Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Corona-Radiata1203 on August 04, 2008, 03:56:42 AM
Hahah so the pentecostal church down the road today:
"God loves technology: He'll answer your KNEE-mail."

well, of course god wants you on your knees. its how he works. but then he expects money...whoa, thats waaay to true to be a coincidence! i just figured out that god is a john!!!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Paul on August 07, 2008, 08:55:18 PM
(http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q84/coolershaka/cos.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: CeeGBee on August 07, 2008, 09:11:19 PM
This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.
Seriously, any idiot with a computer can photoshop a sign to suggest something clever.

Stop posting fake shit. 


(Granted, "Scientology"...  yep, it's fake alright, before anybody photoshops anything...)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Paul on August 07, 2008, 09:53:22 PM
This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.
Seriously, any idiot with a computer can photoshop a sign to suggest something clever.

Stop posting fake shit. 


(Granted, "Scientology"...  yep, it's fake alright, before anybody photoshops anything...)

Point taken of course (and I won't post any more), but considering that Scientology is a cynical charade masquerading as a religion, it befits such treatment.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on August 08, 2008, 02:21:00 AM
Care to hear my thoughts on scientology? I wish I was rich so I could go to heaven too.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: yosmark on August 08, 2008, 08:24:50 PM
I have a weird fascination with ameican culture- These are all ripped from boners.com, but they are all-time favourites, and have all been screensavers.

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/21nfvq9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]



HAHAHAHHAHA, fucking great.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: tonic pancake. on August 08, 2008, 08:40:11 PM
there's a church by my house that always has great ones.
in the summer, the always use:
"we're prayer conditioned"
"protection from the son"

but my all time favorite:
"ch  ch
what's missing?
ur"
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on September 07, 2008, 05:38:32 PM
There's a church in Blacklick, Ohio that had the following sign 'til a few days ago:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
and then I went to Hell


jdfu!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on September 07, 2008, 08:50:56 PM
No fucking way..... seriously?! Thats fucking bullshit. I'd drink a bottle of whiskey and then the next morning save my diarrhea and throw it on the sign.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: such a classic girl on September 07, 2008, 10:37:59 PM
There's a church in Blacklick, Ohio that had the following sign 'til a few days ago:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
and then I went to Hell


jdfu!

i was just about to post this!

(http://xb1.xanga.com/9828063a40c37210030022/z163704734.jpg)

and a link to the news story:

http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=99193&catid=337
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Pope Totalfrog on September 07, 2008, 10:53:04 PM
What a bunch of asshats. Yet another thing to add to list of why I dislike "Christians". It should have read "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to hell - but it was totally worth it!" At least it would have if I had walked past it and had the chance to do a little grafitti.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: yosmark on September 07, 2008, 10:59:50 PM
Are "Jesus lol" accepted in here?

(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f204/dac0917/jesus_lol.jpg)

(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a107/dangermouse45/JesusLOL.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on September 08, 2008, 12:05:57 PM
What a bunch of asshats. Yet another thing to add to list of why I dislike "Christians". It should have read "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to hell - but it was totally worth it!" At least it would have if I had walked past it and had the chance to do a little grafitti.

The really funny part is the reason the pastor removed it: nobody seemed to get the reference!  ;D

jdfu!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: dangerpants on September 08, 2008, 12:07:29 PM
There was a sign near my job in Hershey that said "Masons make good men better." I really wanted to mix up some of the letters so it read: "Masons do men better."
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Dejah Thoris on July 21, 2011, 01:34:28 PM


The church sign nearby uses both sides.  Yesterday it said "What's so great about heaven?  EVERYTHING!"
and "Is your name written in heaven?" 

"Fuck no", I said in a silent prayer as I drove past.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Savannah on July 21, 2011, 01:43:29 PM

The church sign nearby uses both sides.  Yesterday it said "What's so great about heaven?  EVERYTHING!"
and "Is your name written in heaven?" 

"Fuck no", I said in a silent prayer as I drove past.

 ;D Are they selling the title deeds of villas in heaven? If so i'd like to buy one.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Agonistes on July 21, 2011, 06:14:26 PM
my favorite thing they always put is, 'reason is the enemy of faith.'


well yes.  yes, it is.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on April 28, 2012, 12:01:11 PM
...in case you didn't believe her:

(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17kz3sh1wx1aejpg/cmt-medium.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Savannah on April 28, 2012, 04:05:39 PM
^ :uglystupid2: Total brain fuck even for a relatively unreasonable person like me.

Would you believe me if i told you i'm a panda who has the average skills of the humankind? Well in order to make you believe in me, i'd have to make up some reasons.

I don't mean to criticize the religions or religious people. But if somebody is to make me believe in an organized religion, they should show me reasons.

Marx summerized the situation in the best way a man could, "Religion is the opium of the people.".
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Tiervexx on April 28, 2012, 09:20:35 PM
^ :uglystupid2: Total brain fuck even for a relatively unreasonable person like me.

Would you believe me if i told you i'm a panda who has the average skills of the humankind? Well in order to make you believe in me, i'd have to make up some reasons.

I don't mean to criticize the religions or religious people. But if somebody is to make me believe in an organized religion, they should show me reasons.

...sort of like Occam's Razor.  EVERYBODY uses it constantly in their daily lives.  You use it to not worry about the giant python under your bed or the zombies in your basement.  From wikipedia:

"The pragmatist may go on, as David Hume did on the topic induction, that there is no satisfying alternative to granting this premise. Though one may claim that Occam's razor is invalid as a premise helping to regulate theories, putting this doubt into practice would mean doubting whether every step forward will result in locomotion or a nuclear explosion. In other words still: "What's the alternative?"

When most people use Occam's razor they think of it as "common sense."  But when it is sighted in a debate about mysticism or religion it becomes philosophical mumbo jumbo.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: CottonCandy on April 29, 2012, 05:10:34 AM
There are some genuinely cool ones that I've seen....

One had tardis-like phone box and next to it: "Jesus- the original time lord" The same church earlier had a double-sided billboard where on the other side they had "Searching?" (written in google-like font) and in the search box "What is the meaning of life?" and on the other side they had Bible as the only search results, with the note "Bible is the answer to all of your questions"

Another church, which is well-known for being a gay-friendly church, and otherwise very open, had something like "If you don't like to mingle with (every possible "sinning" group mentioned in the bible, including gays), then don't come here, because we welcome anyone Jesus would."
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on October 11, 2012, 12:55:25 PM
(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/181ud3eo1g3rbjpg/original.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Miranda. on November 13, 2012, 11:27:48 AM
didn't get a picture before they changed it but a I saw a church sign that read "If Jesus had a refrigerator your picture would be on it."
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: CeeGBee on November 13, 2012, 02:10:15 PM
(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/181ud3eo1g3rbjpg/original.jpg)
If ya follow the mythology....
Isn't J.C. kinda Anakin's half-brother?
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on September 13, 2013, 05:26:27 PM
courtesy of some church in North Carolina:

(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/1902bhbpy4y0vjpg/ku-large.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: sangrebloom on September 14, 2013, 02:29:00 PM
Dude, not ok.  I'm not even gonna get into why that's bullshit.
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on February 27, 2014, 02:24:43 PM
(http://towleroad.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c730253ef01a73d82c504970d-800wi)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on April 03, 2014, 06:08:57 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkUlJVvCQAAdaR0.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on November 18, 2014, 07:01:29 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B2st1WjCQAABNiu.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Miss Sahara on November 18, 2014, 08:36:36 PM
Omg that is hilarious and makes me kinda wish i lived in a country where they have billboards in front of churches!
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: Hakushi on December 12, 2014, 03:22:45 AM
I'm pretty used to passing church billboards. They're everywhere here. One sign, which had caught my attention the week earlier said:

HEAVENLY FORECAST: JESUS WILL REIGN FOREVER

Clever, right? Well, the next week it said:

FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS.

I drove by that one, and immediately thought "Mmmm ... jam." Then I realised what it was really saying, and my first thought after the realisation was, "Mmmm ... jam."  :violent1:
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on December 16, 2014, 06:57:29 PM
(http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--ZAz7mdNI--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/vy42ynfdhjxnbyhiiikv.png)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on March 08, 2015, 06:03:15 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_l2MEyUwAEakFH.png)

you don't say...

 :downtown:
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on June 06, 2015, 01:48:59 PM
(http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/n3rpwvq4fkwje6trsygq.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: imaginary friend on April 22, 2016, 07:43:18 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgnDo67WMAEdjeE.jpg)
Title: Re: those billboards in front of churches...
Post by: malcontent on June 01, 2016, 06:59:32 AM
(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/181ud3eo1g3rbjpg/original.jpg)
No no no! This is epic....