THESHADOWBOX.NET

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Want some free music? Most of AFP's discography (as well as The Dolls, side-projects, and more) is available for free+donation on Bandcamp

Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Down

Author Topic: How unambitious are you?  (Read 11521 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Breschau

  • woo-ah-oo
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 326
  • Damnit
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #30 on: January 25, 2010, 02:41:39 AM »

I'm unambitious in the extreme.  I can vaguely recall as a child saying I wanted to be an astronaut or an "inventor" when I grew up, and I think I kinda wanted to be a programmer when I was a teenager.  But I think a combination of factors while growing up has killed off any ambition I might once have had.  Certainly for the last decade or so I've not tried or strived for anything at all - my life can basically be summed up as "killing time".

I'm fairly sure that if I were/had been more ambitious I'd have a happier life just now.

In general I don't think you can really pin one or the other down as being the better path to happiness.  Ambition gives you goals in life, something to strive for, a purpose, and that can be immensely satisfying and is something you can end up feeling lost without.   On the other hand it can lead to stress, a crash and burn scenario (and/or frustration if you never manage to realise your ambitions).  Meanwhile lack of ambition could lead to a relaxed and contented (and thus happy) life because you don't want for much and you've found what little you do want for... or it can lead to (like me) not being particularly happy but not having the drive to go after the things that might change that.

Or something.
Logged
An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.

Andy Pants

  • I'm a Roman Candle, my head is full of flames.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1562
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #31 on: January 25, 2010, 04:12:24 AM »

I am a lazy motherfucker.
I want nothing more in life that to have love, travel, and create art. I've been telling myself for years that I want to learn to play music. In a perfect world I would live for 600 years and master every single one. But I'm already almost 20 and I can't do shit.
I'd love to write, be a novelist, write comic books, but I've never finished a chapter. And while I'm on comics, I love to draw, but I haven't done anything but sketch and doodle since I left high school. I never did much then aside from a failed webcomic attempt at 16, but at least then I had the time to put into a single drawing, I haven't drawn much in years that took more than five minutes.
Aside from that I've also always wanted to act (not that I can, not since I was 8) and fuck if I even know how to write a screenplay let alone the rest of the shit involved, but it would be a dream to create a film. If I ever learnt how to get into animation that would be amazing.
Anyway, my point is that I always dream about having this life where I've done all these things and then I realize that I have no fucking drive. I am there least motivated piece of shit in the world. I can't even convince myself to write a short story, I know I could, but I end up getting sidetracked and watching youtube videos instead.

You are so like me it's surreal.

Anyway, here's my response to the initial post.

I recently came to the conclusion that I never really expected to live to the age of 20. Let me tell you about a few things that have happened over the last four years of my life. When I was in High-school I was more intelligent than most of the people around me, but I didn't care about anything I studied all that much. I didn't have any legitimate criticisms or reasons why I didn't care about any of these things. I just couldn't really see the point in being alive. This is something I still wonder about. I was angry and railed against everything. The only subject I really cared about was English because it was easy and I had a good teacher, so I ended up doing four units, which is the maximum amount. I was always fascinated by music but I could never really commit to learning anything other than vocals, because I lacked the confidence and commitment required. Throughout this time I had a vague sense that I wanted to go to university and that it would somehow be a great improvement on High School. In my final year I got very depressed and became addicted to sedatives, so I didn't go to school very much and spent most of my time at home sleeping and listening to music. Avoiding school and caring less about it actually made me feel a lot better about the whole depressing nightmarish shit-storm. Anyway it gave me plenty of time to practice vocals. No-one ever gave me any encouragement about my musical aspirations (and as a matter of fact no-one close to me has really given me any encouragement so far in my life), this includes my parents, peers and teachers. In fact all these people were belligerently discouraging, but I just stopped giving a crap what anybody thought and starting telling myself that I was good and practiced and I started to get a lot better. It's surprisingly easy to stop giving a crap about peoples limiting opinions of you when your miserable, take illegal sedatives almost everyday and are finding it hard to care about anything at all. Anyway I finally kicked my habit towards the end of the year and got pretty good results in English (first place in my High School) so I decided that I would go straight into uni and study a Bachelor Of Arts, majoring in English. I expected the people I met there to be intelligent or at least interesting and OH DEAR GOD was I wrong. I was so disillusioned and disappointed that I dropped out and grew a beard. I became very cynical about the whole thing. I don't think I was ever more depressed than the few months I was in university. I had some vague aspirations to be a writer but realised I wouldn't be able to deal with the constant criticism and couldn't actually figure out what I wanted to say. I then went on to work several terrible jobs, all unique in their own awful way. I tried to be a business administrator or a receptionist in a law firm or something but realised that it's incredibly difficult to get any of those jobs if you lack a degree and/or a vagina. Someone actually asked me in an interview, in a response to some bullshit answer I gave about "being passionate about business admin" whether I was a business person or a creative person, they used those exact words. I was considering suicide (Don't worry it gets better/worse) when I decided that I had gone about looking for a job all wrong. I then went on to have a couple of terrible jobs that aren't really worth getting into detail about. This all culminated in me working at a meat processing plant. We made kebabs. I lasted a week. There was a factory and inside that factory there were machines and there was meat, and I'm not sure which category the workers fell into, but we were alternately treated like machines and pieces of meat. I had to wake up at 6.30am and everyday I came home with my clothes soaked in blood. On top of that the owner and supervisor were incredibly rude and abusive. I approached the owner about this and an argument ensued. He was so dense that eventually I gave up and said something along the lines of "Alright I don't care, I know how you feel and you know how I feel" to which he responded "I don't feel anything". He actually said "I don't feel anything" and you know what? HE MEANT IT. I sort of stared into his dead empty eyes for a while and then left deciding that I should probably become a musician. A couple of months later I was in a band and writing material, we were making demos and they were terrible, but I became interested in the whole recording process. I decided to enroll in Music Production at TAFE. I learned more and had a more enjoyable time studying that than I ever have in my entire life. I didn't go straight into the next course but left to work for a few months and although I eventually found a job with great hours in the most beautiful place I could imagine I started to realise that I was still pretty miserable, there was still something lacking. So now I'm enrolled to study music production again and I feel like I'm finally starting to develop a purpose and a sense of ambition. I've found my calling more or less.

Everyone has certain needs. My advice would be to think about who you are and what you need out of life. I need to be constantly challenged. I need to do something that takes up A LOT of my time.  I need to help create something in order to feel like my life has purpose, however I can't handle having COMPLETE creative freedom otherwise I probably won't end up doing anything. I need to be around intelligent and expressive people. Music production is the perfect fit for me because it's both creative and a trade. It's creative with boundaries and there's always something new to learn. Also it's MUSICAL and I do happen to believe that music is the greatest of all artforms and value it above almost anything else in the world.

For some people it's obvious what they want to do with their lives right away. For others it can take a lot longer. It took me almost three years. So just be patient and Good luck.
Logged
reality doesn't give a damn about our plans.

Quote from: Henry Rollins
Cynicism in nothing but intellectual cowardice. It's basically you not taking the time to deal with what is

Andy Pants

  • I'm a Roman Candle, my head is full of flames.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1562
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #32 on: January 25, 2010, 04:12:54 AM »

LONG POST!
Logged
reality doesn't give a damn about our plans.

Quote from: Henry Rollins
Cynicism in nothing but intellectual cowardice. It's basically you not taking the time to deal with what is

Morpheus Laughing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1115
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #33 on: January 25, 2010, 07:50:00 AM »

^
In a way, what you described about university is why I’m glad that I didn’t go. A couple of people I’ve known have said similar. As for jobs…  Maybe it’s bad luck but I’ve always had terrible existential repercussions from my jobs; instances that are perhaps a little like what you got from the meat supervisor seem full of lessons about the damage that people have gone through and the damage they obliviously inflict on other people.

As for your conclusion: You are right about what it is that puts some kind of shape into life…

I know that I benefit from being around people that I can identify with and in some ways that matters more than what I happen to be doing. I do, however, only benefit in a big way if they have some drive and vision (as well as competence) but these are all ingredients that are hard to find in people.   

My lifelong life-strategy has always been something like: “Evade situations that introduce too many possibilities.” It has its good points but it’s got the potential to lead me into a very self-destructive mindset, especially since life as a whole is constantly filling up with possibilities that become hard to evade… I find options stressful and anything that requires strategizing is stressful for me. Paradoxically I really enjoy self-indulgently thinking about things and this need not be stressful but for the problem of having to continually return to strategizing about my life. I think I would be fairly content with my self-indulgence if it were not for the threat of financial insecurity.
Logged

Matty

  • Space Pirate King
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 659
    • Myspace
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #34 on: January 25, 2010, 05:03:42 PM »

oh shit, I hadn't realized that I'd already written something else a month ago till you quoted it.
facepalm
Logged
The Shadowbox.
Being sutbly illegal since the birth of Amanda Palmer.

Nirinia

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 19
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #35 on: January 28, 2010, 01:42:24 PM »

I'm experiencing something akin to Andy Pants' university disappointment, at the moment. I am ambitious, I am too lazy/too undisciplined to do much about it, and uni is an intellectual massacre.

I've always been fairly smart, and looked forward to starting school. Cue disappointment 1: no real challenges, no reading, not much of interest. Then we started learning English, which was fun the first two years of conjugating to be. Not so fun in 6th grade, and by then nothing else was particularly exciting either. The teachers solution to my enthusiasm for learning was giving me more of the same mundane tasks, and letting me help the other kids when they were stuck. And I always got the honour of being group leader during projects, while herding the least accomplished classmates through it. More of the same through Secondary, took some university courses in Upper Secondary and thought that a BA would be challenging, eye-opening and fun. It is not.

There's never been a need for me to work: I've been handed good grades because I'm good at pretending I know, I needed abysmal grades to get into uni. And now I take courses where we read excerpts of theorists and gawk, because they assume we don't get it. Every class is 'reading for dummies'. My ambitions were to be a successful academic, to reform post-modernism and make sure Norwegian academia is worth something. Now I suspect there is no hope, and the last thing I want to do is become another mediocre lecturer here. I'll go to med-school and cut people open for a living instead, quoting T.S. Eliot and Coetzee at the dying.
Logged

Pelle

  • I apparently am a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 641
    • Sorry Bunch
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #36 on: January 28, 2010, 04:36:02 PM »

A lot of people say I'm really ambitious, but I'm just never satisfied. I play the piano, guitar, bass and I sing.

I have organized things, done theater, performed, and done more. At the moment I'm working on an exhibit of photographs and compositions on piano/cello, which we be placed at a cinema.

I just want to be a musician and I need to be creative. I practice a lot, every day if possible. But I don't consider myself to be good or anything.

I do too many things, I also paint, and I want to learn those three instruments better and better. But it's never good enough, and I can never practive enough. I just practiced for two hours, but I still feel kind of guilty sitting here typing away.

Vinny

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 558
  • This time, it's personal.
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #37 on: March 02, 2010, 01:32:26 AM »

I would say I'm not really that ambitious.

My only plan in life is to get a job that gives me stability and a decent salary, move to the same state my guy lives and move in with him. I'd also like to adopt a coupla cats, maybe a dog and a pig. But yeah, I'm realistic/pessimistic enough so that I don't really want to earn trillions of dollars every month (would be nice and welcomed, of course, but as long as I can pay the bills and still have some fun, I'm good) or be the president of the UN. As long as I'm happy, I'll be satisfied.
Logged
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

KC

To err do-heinous-shit is human, to forgive let-the-bastards-get-away-with-it divine....

Indja

  • wants my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16282
  • Go, Joe, GO!
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #38 on: March 02, 2010, 08:04:25 AM »

I don't think I'm that ambitious, I'm just a day-dreamer - I plan out various different lives I could have instead of actually bothering with the one I've got. Sometimes an opportunity comes along to take one of those day-dreams out of the realm of fantasy and make it a little bit real, which I love, but mostly I just take opportunities because they're there and it's like you might as well, you know? Like rather than doing X to reach Ambition Y, I tend to do X to do X. Works for me xD

Having said that, I do want to be a violin-playing cage-fighting rock'n'roll playwright who dresses like Sherlock Holmes in the new movie and lives in a hotel in Paris. This is my main ambition.
Logged

Captain Oblivious

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7339
  • Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
    • The NCC! I am a mod there =]
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #39 on: March 02, 2010, 08:37:04 AM »

I have realised that I'm the sort of person that maps her life out.

Even in my dream the other night, I was telling the random strangers what I wanted to do (forensic psychologist).
So, in ten years I'll have finished the course I'm doing now and have gotten my PhD (it's always been my dream to be Dr. Róisín Farrell), I'll be living somewhere cool, maybe with someone.
In the meantime, I'll have lived in a few different places, if only for a few months at a time. I will end up settling down in Canada, in one of the French provinces and live a happy and fulfilled life. While living said life, I will travel to heaps of different places, I'll have a really nice colonial era house and everything will be wonderful.

That is how I see my life. I realise that things will come along to fuck that up, but ultimately, it's what I'd like to do.
Logged
Quote from: Reptile
Congratulations, you tiny badass!

Quote from: ~Miranda~
Everything you said looks like real words to me.

Great minds think alike but fools seldom differ

imaginary friend

  • Enigmagnetic
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 14904
  • up in flames
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #40 on: March 02, 2010, 02:18:16 PM »

I started a MySpace page in late April of 2008...and still have never put a song up.
despite buying a very good digital field recorder a couple of weeks later.
hell, I forgot I even had said page for about a year.

 ;D

#@!

FrailAndBedazzled

  • Eyesight to the Blind
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1173
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #41 on: March 02, 2010, 05:55:47 PM »

I'm good at writing/journalism, so I study that.  But I don't want to do it.
I'd be ambitious about wanting to be a singer if I could find songs to sing.  I cannot write music.  I have tried.  It is all SHIT.  I need to front a band because all I can do is vocals; I can't even write the lyrics.  I am moderately competent with a bass, but it's not what I want to do. 
So basically, I suck, so I just stick to what I'm good at but don't want to do.
Logged
Quote from: Fear And Loathing
I'll change my name to Mavis Diles when I'm 70, smoke cigarettes with a really long holder, and play a giant pipe organ in my backyard.

If you did it, say you did it
If you didn't, suck it up and say you did

Morpheus Laughing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1115
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #42 on: March 02, 2010, 06:11:06 PM »

^
You should stick an ad in a music shop. There are people that would be the exact other half to your situation.
Logged

FrailAndBedazzled

  • Eyesight to the Blind
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1173
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #43 on: March 02, 2010, 06:26:58 PM »

^Then they ask for samples.  I have no recording software other than my webcam on this laptop, which I am not sure how to use.  And I have no music to back me.
Logged
Quote from: Fear And Loathing
I'll change my name to Mavis Diles when I'm 70, smoke cigarettes with a really long holder, and play a giant pipe organ in my backyard.

If you did it, say you did it
If you didn't, suck it up and say you did

MelKilledAFP

  • girl anachronism.
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 402
    • Us People Are Just Poems
Re: How unambitious are you?
« Reply #44 on: March 16, 2010, 07:02:47 AM »

i'm probably too unrealistically ambitious.. I tend to suck most of the time. but I believe I don't
Logged
I would trade my mind for a windmill
for a boat made of notebook paper not covered by words
(From Windmill.. an unfinished poem by me)
Pages: 1 2 [3]  All   Go Up