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Author Topic: Acceptable age difference  (Read 16219 times)

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plasticmoo

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Acceptable age difference
« on: June 27, 2010, 04:53:04 PM »

I'm curious on people's opinions when it comes to age relationships. Is there a limit on how many years difference there may be between a couple or is everything ok as long as it is mutual love and affection? Your thoughts and arguments please, I'd love to hear them.

(also.. Plasticmoo is back  :2funny:)
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imaginary friend

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2010, 06:24:55 PM »

as long as you're both consenting adults, why would you care?

welcome back.

#@!

plasticmoo

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2010, 06:35:39 PM »

I knew this would be the wrong forum to bring up such a topic on.. everyone here's open minded lol

but yeah, i guess i was easy to miss haha :)
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tw2113

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2010, 07:31:14 PM »

don't meddle in the age range where both mental and physical change is going on....aka the teen years, unless you're in the same range. If you're above 20, just not worth going for them.
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overratedtoejam

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2010, 07:39:59 PM »

i think age shouldn't matter past the age of 20. though, i do wonder how older people feel dating younger people. (by younger i mean more than 5 years difference) i mean, if you walked into a bar and saw somebody you think is hot would you go "no way dude, he/she's a kid!" or would it just be normal to you? i can't really say how i'd react since i'm only 18 and if i dated somebody 5 years younger than me..well, that'd be perverted, but for some reason i love women in their thirties. not that i'd have a chance.
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Tiervexx

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2010, 09:15:07 PM »

i think age shouldn't matter past the age of 20. though, i do wonder how older people feel dating younger people. (by younger i mean more than 5 years difference) i mean, if you walked into a bar and saw somebody you think is hot would you go "no way dude, he/she's a kid!" or would it just be normal to you? i can't really say how i'd react since i'm only 18 and if i dated somebody 5 years younger than me..well, that'd be perverted, but for some reason i love women in their thirties. not that i'd have a chance.

I think a percent difference is better than a number of years.

For example... a 50 year old and a 65 year old might be on the same level but a 12 year old will almost never be on the same level as a 17 year old (unless the 12 year old is a svant and/or the 17 year old is retarded).

But as other people have said I will mind my own business as long as they are all consenting adults.
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meganpaige

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2010, 10:24:17 PM »

As long as you've got comparable maturity levels...

I dated a guy 11 years my senior and he was seriously immature. I was in my early 20's and was far more mature than he is even now. (Hmm...what a terrible sentence, grammatically...)
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overratedtoejam

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2010, 10:26:17 PM »

i'm talking more of attraction, not relationship quality. like, does a 35 year old looking at a 20 year old feel the same way i would looking at a 13 year old?
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lucy

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2010, 04:23:03 AM »

after the age of 20 it really shouldn't matter. during your teens i think more than, i don't know, three years difference or so is kind of weird.
i think what's more important is what age you feel like. some people feel a lot older or younger than they actually are, in that case it wouldn't be weird to date someone older or younger.

but everytime i realise that my dad's girlfriend is 19 years younger than him i just find it so gross. i mean come on, she could've been his daughter. sure, when i was born my dad was 39, bit still. they really like each other and have fun together and what not, but 19 years just seems like a lot to me. i mean, what if she was 20 and he was 39, would they still have liked each other like that? because that would seem weird to me. hell now that she;s 39 and he's 58 it seems weird to me.
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Mouse

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2010, 06:05:15 AM »

i'm talking more of attraction, not relationship quality. like, does a 35 year old looking at a 20 year old feel the same way i would looking at a 13 year old?

I think that's an interesting point. As much as development may slow after a person is out of their teens, it's still happening. Just as you come to see 16-year-olds as kids (when, at the age of 14, they were practically adults), there'll be a time when 20-year-olds seem like children too. I guess it's natural development.

Doesn't mean relationships with big age gaps can't work, though. I think fundamental personality types both affect and override maturity levels that change over the years; there are parts of a person that won't change however old they are, and I think those are the bits that matter the most in a relationship.
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JohnnyDBBUK

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2010, 06:46:35 AM »

me and Audrey are 9 1/2 years apart (which is pushing it) but I think it matters less when both people are adults and have their heads screwed on similarly.

for example if I was an extremely mature person of my age who was into reading the financial times and trading stocks and shares and Audrey was a colourful childish girl who likes cartoons and singing along to Brittany Spears it probably wouldn't work out.

But the fact is Audrey is very mature and I am (well you all know what I am like :P - must grow up someday tho :P)

JohnnyDBBUK

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2010, 06:57:33 AM »

oh and stages of life can play an issue also.
eg if settled into their adult life and the younger person is just starting out
it can sometimes make the relationship difficult in the long run

absynth aura

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2010, 06:59:12 AM »

I don't think age different matters in most cases.

But in saying that, I do often think twice when I hear of a 14 year old dating a 21 year old.
But I can't judge that because my parents are 7 years old, and while I still think it's odd that my dad was 7 when my mum was born, I've learned to accept that age difference doesn't matter in relationships when the feelings are mutual between the two. Now when a 14 year old is dating a 21 year old because he can buy her alcohol, and buys her drugs, and has "a cock the size of an iron pipe" then that I see as wrong for many reasons.
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JohnnyDBBUK

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2010, 07:05:05 AM »

this one has always confused me


Was Leon a Paedo or was Mathilda just an annoying girl with a crush on a vastly older guy who avenged her family for her?
It's not like he did anything she made all the advances.

interesting reading
http://www.visualculture.free-online.co.uk/visualculture/Student%20Essays/Leon_Reading.htm

quote Emma Davies 1999
"This unconventional love between an older man and a young girl raises many issues linked to paedophilia. However, Leon constantly squashes any advances Matilda makes and keeps this potentially explosive issue in check. Links could be made here to such films as Andrew Lyne's 'Lolita' which more controversially deals with the subject of paedophilia head on"

Indja

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Re: Acceptable age difference
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2010, 09:58:55 AM »

I don't think age different matters in most cases.

But in saying that, I do often think twice when I hear of a 14 year old dating a 21 year old.
But I can't judge that because my parents are 7 years old, and while I still think it's odd that my dad was 7 when my mum was born, I've learned to accept that age difference doesn't matter in relationships when the feelings are mutual between the two. Now when a 14 year old is dating a 21 year old because he can buy her alcohol, and buys her drugs, and has "a cock the size of an iron pipe" then that I see as wrong for many reasons.

....really? Think it through, honey ;)


I have two things I'd like to put into the discussion at this point. Do you all remember Mr. Old? I had a major, major crush on him, and he was about 14 years older than me. We met when I was 11, and last year we got sort of back in touch and talked on MSN a whole lot. I'm not going to go into details and things, but this was when I was 16 - so legally allowed to have sex and whatever, and my no means a shrinking violet or anything - and he was 33. We didn't do anything together, but the way we talked to each other just wasn't acceptable I don't think. For a long time after I gave him the push, I ignored it and just cracked on. Then I started having weird dreams where he was chasing me and I was kicking him in the face, so I figured probably something wasn't being addressed. I explored it, and I realised that I was fucking furious with him for encouraging me, for not reacting like a "normal" 33 year old would have done. I felt like it was his responsibility to back off and was incredibly angry at him for not doing. I'm alright now, having realised this, but I think it's interesting that if we'd have had sex I would have been considered a "consenting adult" and that I thought I was alright with it. I don't much care about age difference in later life, but when you're too young to know yourself then it's just a fucking mess.

My other point was my dear, darling friend Maddison. She's a year younger than me and she's engaged to a 33 year old - same age difference as it was between me and Mr Old. Now, I've met him and he seemed like a stand-up bloke and there's no doubt in my mind he loves Maddison very much and she loves him. But I cannot bring myself to have this sit right with me. Maybe when they're still together after she's grown up a fair bit I'll feel happier, but I genuinely am not sure that they will be and that's what upsets me - I know that Maddison would be crushed by the finishing of that relationship, and I can't see how it can survive all the changes that a person goes through when they're 17 and onwards.


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