THESHADOWBOX.NET

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Amanda's got a blog. If blogs could talk, it'd ask you to read it. It might even say "please."

Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Down

Author Topic: Kindness vs. Honesty  (Read 7937 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Musings

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 3011
Kindness vs. Honesty
« on: June 28, 2011, 01:21:20 PM »

on the internets and elsewhere.

I'm sure this has been discussed before but can't find the thread.

Discuss.

Especially with concern to the phrase "do no harm".  What does that MEAN, exactly? 

I find that I am kind with strangers, honest with family, and in the internet it gets blurred a bit.
Logged
www.upstreamofconsciousness.blogspot.com

"Just dance, gonna be OK, just dance." - Lady Gaga, inspired by Rainer Maria Rilke

Morpheus Laughing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1115
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2011, 02:25:57 PM »

I tend to sit on the fence & give out constructive criticism if the situation isn’t too urgent. The best of both worlds in most respects. If it’s political I’m more likely to be honest than kind unless I really have to be professional or practical.

“Do no harm” reminds me of the Hippocratic Oath (a can of worms I’ll leave for now). It’s not a bad maxim but I often wonder if people know enough to carry out the spirit of it without triggering worse than they can ever hope to achieve by acting in good faith. Having said that, it shouldn't be used as an excuse to avoid thinking about (or even learning about) what acts of kindness might do the most good.
Logged

imaginary friend

  • Enigmagnetic
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 14904
  • up in flames
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2011, 03:33:08 PM »

I'm trying to remove the brutality from my honesty. Some days it's really hard to do.

...I'm going to use that in a song now.

#@!

Mockery

  • Frank L. Baum's past bride and Oz princess
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 3621
  • Lovely, lovely lady lumps
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2011, 03:59:38 PM »

This is hard.

It's good to be both honest and kind.But there are times where it's hard to be kind while being honest. There are times where I'm brutally honest because some people don't get what I'm trying to tell them if I'm being nice. I have to do that with people who create Mary Sue characters.
Logged
was too busy looking at the attractive girl in the weird paint vag bib.

I have 47 Indja Points

Savannah

  • Ich Bin Ein
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2646
  • Accidentally on purpose
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2011, 04:15:21 PM »

Actually these two concepts are not that contrary, you can be both kind and honest at the same time. And if you exaggerate, both of them can make you look and sound rude. I personally try to be in between them. Honesty is good but if you insult somebody, or criticize them heavily in the middle of another people, it's not because you're honest it's because you're mean. Or if you talk behind somebody to whom you have been very kind when you see them in person, it doesn't mean you're kind. It's nothing but hypocrisy.
Logged
Quote from: Amanda Palmer
I mean, we're losers with bandwidth. #LOFNOTC

facebook is like the worst book I've ever read. the characters do not evolve one bit and the plot is going nowhere.

imaginary friend

  • Enigmagnetic
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 14904
  • up in flames
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2011, 04:23:49 PM »

Actually these two concepts are not that contrary, you can be both kind and honest at the same time.


they're not even necessarily related, which is why I didn't address kindness in my 1st post in this thread.

#@!

Savannah

  • Ich Bin Ein
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 2646
  • Accidentally on purpose
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2011, 04:31:27 PM »

Actually these two concepts are not that contrary, you can be both kind and honest at the same time.


they're not even necessarily related, which is why I didn't address kindness in my 1st post in this thread.

#@!

I reread your first post now, it makes great sense and it's really poetic.
Logged
Quote from: Amanda Palmer
I mean, we're losers with bandwidth. #LOFNOTC

facebook is like the worst book I've ever read. the characters do not evolve one bit and the plot is going nowhere.

CottonCandy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 635
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2011, 04:51:00 PM »

I don't think that it's that much one vs other, either.

For example (a superficial example): your friend picks up an item of clothing you really do not like, you can say "not really what I'd wear" or "that is a fucking horrible dress". Even if she doesn't suit the dress, you can point out something else and say it'd flatter her more, rather than say how fat she looks in it.
Logged

The Angel Raliel

  • ...looked the other way when a third of them fell
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 7620
  • ...devourer of scones
    • Raliel Art
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2011, 06:22:41 AM »

i always think that people use honesty as an excuse for being downright rude......
Logged
One should always be a little improbable.

@raliel

N.U.

  • Initials... OF DOOM!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2258
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2011, 02:46:33 PM »

Kindness and Honesty will never meet without learning Tact.
Logged

Tiervexx

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2388
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2011, 08:40:03 PM »

i always think that people use honesty as an excuse for being downright rude......

I agree!  A former friend of mine enjoyed being "honest" and expressing his opinions so much he could not understand why he was the biggest asshole there ever was.

If the truth is very unkind you can express it in a gentle way or just mind your own business and not say anything.
Logged

Indja

  • wants my
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 16282
  • Go, Joe, GO!
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2011, 08:52:01 PM »

This is a false dichotomy. The fact that we don't recognise it as such is probably why there's so much unpleasantness knocking about the place. Being honest to someone never necessarily means that you must be unkind with it, nor is kindness some sort of deception. Oooh yeah, Indja just got her wise on ;)
Logged

Morpheus Laughing

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1115
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2011, 10:47:33 AM »

^
True. It doesn’t make sense to put the two concepts in opposition without a context but there are plenty of dilemmas that involve the choice. 
Logged

lentower

  • if you see me at a show (or elsewhere), please come over & say hi
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 10434
  • this is a real photo of me. thanks sheri hausey!
    • len's web sight
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2011, 01:10:43 PM »

^^ Indja

words aren't sufficient to enlighten

your wise is wise
Logged
getting started:
BOX-RULES (please read...

further back:
Our forum before this one...

Agonistes

  • discocunt
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 4289
    • blog
Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #14 on: July 06, 2011, 01:46:28 PM »

my ONLY character ever is a mary sue character (my avatar), but i don't put her into fanfic, so it's totally okay.


honesty is more important than kindness.  when it's mis-interpreted as unkindness is when it gets frustrating, as truth is something people will go through mental gymnastics to avoid, many times.  i know i've never liked being confronted with the truth, even though i try to force it on myself.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2 3  All   Go Up