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Author Topic: Kindness vs. Honesty  (Read 7936 times)

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Gogoamy

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #30 on: August 05, 2011, 06:32:31 PM »

When it comes to be honest to someone else, i think it sometimes depends on the person you are talking to. For example, i knew a girl from university who often asked how her hair looked like. And she used to dye her hair in really weird colours. This one time she asked me, i answered "i don't think this dye goes well with your tan". She got really offended by that, and never asked me such a thing again.
I don't understand why people keep asking such questions if they're so afraid of the answers they'll get. Such people clearly want you to lie under the cover of compliments and kindness. That's not my thing, if i ask somebody how my hair or dress or something looks like, i really mean it because it's hard to look at yourself from an objective point of view, most of the
 
See it wasn't you that pissed her off. It was her own disapprovale of herself. Hopefully she will think positively about herself one day.
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Morpheus Laughing

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2011, 07:10:22 PM »

When it comes to be honest to someone else, i think it sometimes depends on the person you are talking to. For example, i knew a girl from university who often asked how her hair looked like. And she used to dye her hair in really weird colours. This one time she asked me, i answered "i don't think this dye goes well with your tan". She got really offended by that, and never asked me such a thing again.
I don't understand why people keep asking such questions if they're so afraid of the answers they'll get. Such people clearly want you to lie under the cover of compliments and kindness. That's not my thing, if i ask somebody how my hair or dress or something looks like, i really mean it because it's hard to look at yourself from an objective point of view, most of the
 
See it wasn't you that pissed her off. It was her own disapprovale of herself. Hopefully she will think positively about herself one day.

Sounds about right.

It could also be because people want to find ways to start conversations or change subjects.

A line like “How are you?” is one that I can’t deal with. No one wants my honest answer and I feel uncomfortable giving the standard “fine” reply when clearly I’m not (and yet I often have to).

People probably don’t expect honest responses to certain types of questions -the expectation is no longer there because the question has become a formality.  
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Agonistes

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #32 on: August 05, 2011, 07:13:53 PM »

just about anyone can take honesty, unless they are one of those mental gymnasts who cannot ever accept any sort of blame or criticism, so long as the honesty is sneaky/tactful, and presented in a way they can find palatable.  used as a bludgeon, honesty is almost useless except as a fight tactic.

insulting someone and then saying 'i'm just being honest' is as rude as an outright insult, even if one IS just being honest.  ways and means, people.  ways.  and means.
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Gogoamy

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #33 on: August 05, 2011, 10:57:28 PM »

 
[/quote]
Sounds about right.
It could also be because people want to find ways to start conversations or change subjects.

A line like “How are you?” is one that I can’t deal with. No one wants my honest answer and I feel uncomfortable giving the standard “fine” reply when clearly I’m not (and yet I often have to).

People probably don’t expect honest responses to certain types of questions -the expectation is no longer there because the question has become a formality.  

[/quote]

well asking anyone how their day is going is just as expected as saying Merry Christmas on Christmas.  But it's definitely different (for me at least) when my best friend, or anyone who I'm pretty close to, asks me how I am. If I'm fine I'll say so. If I'm sad I'll talk all about it.this doesn't happen all the time. I tend to hold anxiety or anger in  but just saying what's really up is worth it. This is only true for my best friend,really..
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The Angel Raliel

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #34 on: August 06, 2011, 02:02:21 AM »

my typical response to "how are you?" is "yes"

but brutal honesty is just rude and tactless most of the time.....if someone cooks you dinner and it is ..a tad not good.....it is simply rude to say so especially if they look stressed...the polite thing is to eat it anyway or make a very polite excuse....if they KNOW they are a rubbish cook then they will probably joke about it first........also if a friend or relative tries really hard to buy you a thoughtful gift (that you happen to already have or you find horrid) simply accept it with good grace.....pretty simple stuff.....
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hybridhydrogencell

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #35 on: October 26, 2012, 02:37:27 AM »

I think it depends on your relationship with the other person, if you know them well and they know you honesty is best most of the time when you care for them, if its a not so close friend kindness is usually better
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Tiervexx

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #36 on: November 02, 2012, 10:07:20 PM »

....also if a friend or relative tries really hard to buy you a thoughtful gift (that you happen to already have or you find horrid) simply accept it with good grace.....pretty simple stuff.....

First gift my best friend ever got me was a book.  I admitted I already had it.  I have regretted being honest ever sense.

I think she forgave me but I don't think I did...  fortunately we still exchange gifts and I have not had to deal with that dilemma again.  I would lye about it if it reoccurred!
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Lunar Reflection

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #37 on: November 03, 2012, 05:19:24 PM »

Lately, I've tried my utmost best to always be honest, which, we all know is impossible. When I really render it harmful to be honest I just try to shut up.

My golden rule is to never 'attack' a person directly. Saying someone is an idiot is just plain rude, in my opinon. Saying someone is acting like one is being honest.
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Miss Sahara

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #38 on: November 03, 2012, 08:46:08 PM »

....also if a friend or relative tries really hard to buy you a thoughtful gift (that you happen to already have or you find horrid) simply accept it with good grace.....pretty simple stuff.....

First gift my best friend ever got me was a book.  I admitted I already had it.  I have regretted being honest ever sense.

I think she forgave me but I don't think I did...  fortunately we still exchange gifts and I have not had to deal with that dilemma again.  I would lye about it if it reoccurred!
O.o i got my friend a book once which i was really looking forward to give to her because i thought it might be something she might find interesting. when she told me she had it already and she did indeed love it, it made me proud that i had chosen something that was clearly right for her. (and exchanged it at the shop with the sequel...).
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Indja

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #39 on: November 03, 2012, 08:59:01 PM »

....also if a friend or relative tries really hard to buy you a thoughtful gift (that you happen to already have or you find horrid) simply accept it with good grace.....pretty simple stuff.....

First gift my best friend ever got me was a book.  I admitted I already had it.  I have regretted being honest ever sense.

I think she forgave me but I don't think I did...  fortunately we still exchange gifts and I have not had to deal with that dilemma again.  I would lye about it if it reoccurred!
O.o i got my friend a book once which i was really looking forward to give to her because i thought it might be something she might find interesting. when she told me she had it already and she did indeed love it, it made me proud that i had chosen something that was clearly right for her. (and exchanged it at the shop with the sequel...).

I think it depends on how you tell them and what kind of person they are. It is, as ever, all about context.
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Shaeon

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #40 on: January 26, 2013, 05:14:34 AM »

Interesting topic, guys.

This makes me think of a lot of things, particularly my break up a year and a half ago, and how my ex decided to be dishonest with me because she didn't want to tell me she was out of love with me (essentially, to tell me something that she thought was unkind). I got so angry that she felt like it was kinder to lie to me.

It's not nice to say "I don't love you anymore." That's totally choosing to be the bad guy, and I'm sure it's hard to do. But I wish she'd done the hard thing, because it was also the right thing to do. I can't be friends with her now, because I find that I just don't want to be friends with someone who would lie to me about something so important.

So I'm pretty solidly on the side of honesty. But there's such a thing as things that it's important to be honest about, and things that just don't matter. Particularly on Facebook if someone is being confrontational and challenging people who disagree to speak up, I tend to let it go these days. Sometimes people are just looking for a fight. I don't feel like I'm being dishonest with myself or friends if I recognize that I'd rather leave it alone and not give them the fight they want.
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Balloon Boy

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Re: Kindness vs. Honesty
« Reply #41 on: March 19, 2013, 05:55:52 PM »

I think it's about degrees. The brutal truth can be hurt, but phrasing it in such a way that it can soften it can be helpful. Ultimately, the truth helps people move on quicker than kindness, and I think there's a certain degree of resentment with kindness.

It's like ripping off a plaster. Quick is sharp and painful but done with, but slow is long and drawn out and really fucking hurts.
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