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Author Topic: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies  (Read 13489 times)

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lentower

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fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« on: November 17, 2007, 03:12:34 PM »

Work on your diplomatic
skills and avoid conflict
at all costs


please add others you like to share

just gotten at a chinese restaurant
lunch with some friends

though some on the box would find it ________ ?
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imaginary friend

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2007, 02:27:14 AM »

I just cracked an empty fortune cookie about 20 minutes ago. :'(

plur

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2007, 11:37:10 AM »

I win:

"SSOORRRRYY... DDUUPPLLEEXX SSWWIITTCCHH OONN"



My only conceivable explanation is that the fortune-typing machine has a "duplex switch" that automatically doubles every letter typed/printed. And for some reason it got stuck when the dude was typing fortunes and he had a quota to meet, so he just apologized and tried to explain himself to me in advance.

I wish a dog hadnt eaten that fortune.
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Kenny Wisdom

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2007, 02:04:42 PM »

Work on your diplomatic
skills and avoid conflict
at all costs


please add others you like to share

just gotten at a chinese restaurant
lunch with some friends

though some on the box would find it ________ ?

 :2funny: haha, at least you can laugh about it, Len!
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2007, 12:49:57 AM »

one of my best friends owns a chinese restraunt, she just brought me food last night and my friends fourtune read: You have a fine appreciation for and intrest in Chinese food.

hmm..
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2007, 05:41:22 AM »

the best game to play with fortune cookies is to add the words "in Bed" to the end of each of the messages. My friends and i recently played this. my friend got:
You are progressing quickly In bed
there was another one that was about a man and a pig, but i can't remember exactly what it was... funny though
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2007, 10:40:49 AM »

"Sorry... duplex switch on in bed"

??
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2007, 10:28:13 AM »

I actually collect these...

I put them in a little tiny takeout box :)

This is me pulling a random one out of the box...

"You long to see the Great Pyramids in Egypt"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2007, 09:04:41 AM »

    "One day you will master the Tuba." >>sorry. a joke.

but for real, i have received twice: "You long to see the Ancient Pyramids in Egypt"

isn't that odd?


that is a rather odd one since most of them give out personality traits or tidings of good will...
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #9 on: November 22, 2007, 11:44:41 AM »

you will have success in everything you do on the eighth of next month

so if i tried to fly.....
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2007, 06:57:11 PM »

    "One day you will master the Tuba." >>sorry. a joke.

but for real, i have received twice: "You long to see the Ancient Pyramids in Egypt"

isn't that odd?


that is a rather odd one since most of them give out personality traits or tidings of good will...

yes. yes it is.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2007, 09:22:53 AM »

i always add "in bed" to the end of my fortunes... it can be mighty funny sometimes.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2007, 09:30:23 AM »

i dont think the pyramids could fit in a bed
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2007, 01:21:13 PM »

i dont think the pyramids could fit in a bed

Perhaps very small pyramids.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2007, 03:24:29 AM »

ah now thats hot
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #15 on: November 24, 2007, 05:13:51 AM »

Back home for thanksgiving until tomorrow, and I brought a college friend up with me. We went to SF today to meet up with our two friends also from college. We had dinner in Chinatown, and I got this fortune:

"You are always surrounded by true friends."

And I was like "AWWWWWWWWWW GUYS!"

It was sweet, mainly because they are some of my closest friends.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #16 on: November 24, 2007, 06:39:25 PM »

An it harm none, do what you will.

ok, that's not really a fortune cookie fortune, but a very important rule in the Craft. But it's a great thing to go by nonetheless even if it isn't a fortune.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2007, 11:53:32 PM »

i always add "in bed" to the end of my fortunes... it can be mighty funny sometimes.

Ever see that Upright Citizens Brigade bit with the fortune cookies?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=t6swyTknZfo

Weirdest fortune I ever got was "You would make a great lawyer"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2007, 01:25:29 AM »

Tonight's fortune: Soon, you will receive pleasant news.

lucky numbers: 8, 11, 21, 27, 32, 41

plur

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2007, 01:27:34 PM »

I got one that disturbed me yesterday.
"You laugh now. Wait till you get home"
 :o

What the hell does THAT mean, lol! I didn't keep it. I wish I had now that I think about it.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2007, 05:37:09 PM »

my favorite one i ever got said "you'll will soon find a meaningful romance" which i thought was stupid at first, a week later i met my bf and we'll be dating for 2 and a half years on xmas eve
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2007, 08:38:35 PM »

I got one that disturbed me yesterday.
"You laugh now. Wait till you get home"
 :o

What the hell does THAT mean, lol! I didn't keep it. I wish I had now that I think about it.

hahahaha

that sounds like the begining of a horrible 80's horror movie...
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2007, 09:56:37 PM »

my all time favorite: "you and your wife will be very happy someday" (in bed)

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #23 on: December 13, 2007, 10:32:25 PM »

This thread reminds me about the NYT article about the slightly less optomistic but more realistic fortunes that they had stop making some of because people complained:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/08/business/smallbusiness/08fortune.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

ex. "Your problem just got bigger, think what have you done?" ; "Today is a disastrous day, if you can't beat them, join them..." and my favorite: "It's over your head now.  Time to get professional help."
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #24 on: December 18, 2007, 10:29:59 PM »

Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive. Lucky numbers : 8 4 7 Lotto Six #'s 41 38 9 25 8 17
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #25 on: December 19, 2007, 07:47:21 PM »

I don't remember the exact wording, but evidently I have someone "admiring (me) from afar".

And the one I had before that was empty. I guess my future is bleak.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2007, 12:14:17 AM »

And the one I had before that was empty. I guess my future is bleak.
Your future is undefined....  yours for the writing.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #27 on: December 30, 2007, 12:25:59 AM »

Tonight's says: Just be yourself; you are wonderful

...no lucky numbers, though.

plur

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #28 on: December 30, 2007, 02:29:38 AM »

All my fortune cookies as of late have been Korean.


Sorry.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #29 on: December 30, 2007, 06:11:00 AM »

"Help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #30 on: December 30, 2007, 04:54:19 PM »

The only one I ever had said:
"Sometimes you are the bug, sometimes you are the windshield"

It's very general
The cookie was tastie though.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #31 on: January 16, 2008, 01:25:57 PM »

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/16/dining/16fort.html?pagewanted=1

Fortune cookies actually originated in Japan.  So this entire thread is a lie, and any fortune found in a fortune cookie given by a Chinese restaurant is now defunct.

But: I did open a fortune cookie somewhat nervously in front of my probable soon to be employers, on the day of my interview.  (Imagine if it said something like "Today is not your day to seek opportunity") and got, bizarrely, "the white tie attracts the soup of the day".  Which I guess means clean clothes get dirty?  Something like that?
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #32 on: January 16, 2008, 01:34:24 PM »

I love fortune cookies (as you can probably tell from my avatar.)  That one in particular says "your dream will come true" and I got it immediately after a conversation with my best friend during which I admitted that many of my dreams are highly impractical.   

Another that that I have loved and held on to was "you will astonish all with your success" (got it the night the last play I directed opened).

It's all about the context, yo. 

(The other night I got, "Next time, order the shrimp!"  Ew.)
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #33 on: January 16, 2008, 02:10:55 PM »

I have one of my faves on my desk. "stop trying to do it. Just do it!" (all it needs is a nike logo)

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #34 on: January 16, 2008, 09:17:27 PM »

Does anyone remember the Saturday Night Live sketch when Chris Farley and Mike Myers were working in a factory writing fortunes for the cookies????  That's all that I can think of when I read this thread!
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #35 on: January 18, 2008, 07:51:22 PM »

"You are a good influence on others".

Boy, was that cookie barking up the wrong tree!

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #36 on: January 19, 2008, 01:22:11 AM »

my favorite fortune ever:
"you are an angel, beware of those who collect feathers"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2008, 12:52:27 AM »

"A rich partner is ordained for you."

Do we mean business or love life? Aw, I wanted to be the breadwinner in the latter!
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #38 on: January 29, 2008, 01:04:16 AM »

Probably referring to body odor.

plur

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2008, 01:18:42 AM »

today mine sad:

"you will be singled out for promotion"

but i have no job...so i hope it means my singing "career"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2008, 11:28:57 PM »

Tonight's read: "Many receive advice; few profit by it"

plur

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #41 on: January 30, 2008, 12:27:29 PM »

The last time we ate Asian take-out my brother's fortune read "You possess infinite wisdom and power." My whole family shat ourselves laughing.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #42 on: April 06, 2008, 12:43:18 AM »

"Your bills are yours, and your spouse's bills are yours"

now that's deep.

jdfu!

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #43 on: April 06, 2008, 12:45:27 AM »

Once i got a "bad luck cookie" from an exposition.

"You only get called by those you don´t want to hear about"
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #44 on: April 06, 2008, 10:45:34 AM »

"FREE TIBET!"

that one was weird.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #45 on: April 06, 2008, 01:21:19 PM »

"FREE TIBET!"

that one was weird.

Thats kind of cool actually.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #46 on: April 06, 2008, 05:04:52 PM »

My mother recently got one that said "You will start a charitable organisation." She has stuck on the fridge and laughs at it daily.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #47 on: April 06, 2008, 05:50:00 PM »

My latest one simply said, "Jesus!"


...even my food is evangelical.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #48 on: April 07, 2008, 05:14:44 AM »

just be glad noone here got a magical fortune cookie that caused them to switch bodies with their mother...
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #49 on: April 07, 2008, 11:15:35 AM »

just be glad noone here got a magical fortune cookie that caused them to switch bodies with their mother...

That happened to me once but it was an old man who liked it in the ass from horses. It was the worst month of my life.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #50 on: April 07, 2008, 06:14:25 PM »


That happened to me once but it was an old man who liked it in the ass from horses. It was the worst month of my life.

You as well!! I thought I was the only one  >:D
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #51 on: April 07, 2008, 08:36:03 PM »

you mean both swapped with me!!??

i mean someone whose totally not me!!
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #52 on: April 10, 2008, 04:33:00 PM »

once i got one that had a learn chinese thing on the back that said "still single" and then one the next time that said "just married".
that was mildly entertaining.

i would like to start a fortune company that has fortunes that say for example, "you will live, do stuff, and then you'll die."
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #53 on: April 12, 2008, 12:12:30 PM »

"You find beauty in ordinary things
 Do not lose this ability'
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CeeGBee

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #54 on: April 14, 2008, 08:29:54 PM »

Gee, what about Magic Hat beer caps?

Admittedly, "Home of the Twin Lobster" makes no sense to me, but how about:

"You Have The Power To Rule The Hour"...   Sounds promising, no?
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #55 on: April 14, 2008, 08:35:55 PM »



"You Have The Power To Rule The Hour"...   Sounds promising, no?

It only works if you put your hands in the air, and wave them like you just dont care.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #56 on: April 14, 2008, 08:37:44 PM »

PS, are there other kinds of fortune cookies besides the Chinese ones? Ive wondered since this thread was started.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #57 on: April 15, 2008, 08:04:28 AM »

I once thought I might die as i was given two cookies and one was burnt and had the fortune " Remember the apple" and the other was empty, no fortune at all.

Now seriously...what does remember the apple mean?
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CeeGBee

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #58 on: April 15, 2008, 11:07:08 AM »

Well....
Maybe you're supposed to reconsider your purchase of a Windows-based PC...

...or perhaps you should contemplate the expulsion of Adam and Eve from Eden...

...or possibly you should take daily preventive steps to keep your physician away...

...or maybe it had something to do with your trip to New York (or you should take a trip to NYC).


Anyway, none of these sound particularly ominous, so don't worry.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #59 on: April 15, 2008, 01:37:59 PM »

Thank you...That makes me feel much better. : )



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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #60 on: April 18, 2008, 10:03:29 AM »

"We give you antidote. $3.95."

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #61 on: April 19, 2008, 02:28:49 PM »

I opened two one night, just for the hell of it. The first said, "Next time, take a leadership role." The next one said, "You will let someone else lead next time."

LULZ!
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #62 on: April 19, 2008, 08:14:07 PM »

"Carry on my wayward son, they'll be peace when you are are done...."


Honest to god. I nearly shat myself.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #63 on: April 19, 2008, 09:21:50 PM »

"We give you antidote. $3.95."
Wow. I'm seriously jealous.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #64 on: April 19, 2008, 10:56:36 PM »

PS, are there other kinds of fortune cookies besides the Chinese ones? Ive wondered since this thread was started.

i wondered too
it's why i titled the thread this way ...
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #65 on: April 25, 2008, 11:24:49 PM »

Seek out the significance of your problem at this time. Try to understand.

EH, how's that for ambiguous? School has fortune cookies once a week.
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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #66 on: August 23, 2008, 01:38:44 AM »

*bump*

from tonight's din-din:

"Tomorrow will be a productive day. Don't oversleep."

 :thebirdman:

jdfu!

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #67 on: May 13, 2012, 06:28:26 PM »

today's fortune cookie is telling me, "If absolute can be defined, then absolute is not absolute anymore."

I had no idea Werner Heisenberg had gone into the fortune cookie biz...oh, and the lucky numbers are: 51, 13, 11, 28, 41, 25.

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Re: fortunes from chinese fortune cookies
« Reply #68 on: September 29, 2016, 05:52:50 PM »

"Cut through organizational impediments and get some real work done"

fuck I wanna hear that right after dinner?
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