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[Agonistes]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

[Mockery]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

Should be magical? You're making one of the biggest commitment ever!

How exciting! I should get you gift! What do you need? A toaster? A new oven? A washing machine?

[Agonistes]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

Should be magical? You're making one of the biggest commitment ever!

How exciting! I should get you gift! What do you need? A toaster? A new oven? A washing machine?

oh, i've already made the commitment.  that's a done deal.  no one can put it asunder.  as far as i'm concerned, now we're just celebrating it.  it's a pretty epic union, you don't even know.  people actually had to sit down when they found out about it and junk.

i got a toaster from the lesbian union for recruitment (that is a running lesbian joke.  don't worry if it makes no sense to you), and i've got two ovens.  really what i want is some of those badass front-loader washer-dryers that are as tall as me and have all the glass on them.  but, that sort of thing i should make sure our parents know about because i am pretty sure those are out of your budget, as they are out of my own budget.  and if they aren't, i want you to take me shopping immediately.

i'll totally invite you though.  youre close enough to go.

[Mockery]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

Should be magical? You're making one of the biggest commitment ever!

How exciting! I should get you gift! What do you need? A toaster? A new oven? A washing machine?

oh, i've already made the commitment.  that's a done deal.  no one can put it asunder.  as far as i'm concerned, now we're just celebrating it.  it's a pretty epic union, you don't even know.  people actually had to sit down when they found out about it and junk.

i got a toaster from the lesbian union for recruitment (that is a running lesbian joke.  don't worry if it makes no sense to you), and i've got two ovens.  really what i want is some of those badass front-loader washer-dryers that are as tall as me and have all the glass on them.  but, that sort of thing i should make sure our parents know about because i am pretty sure those are out of your budget, as they are out of my own budget.  and if they aren't, i want you to take me shopping immediately.

i'll totally invite you though.  youre close enough to go.

Really? You'd invite me? How fun!

I'm not acting weird am I? I love weddings!

At least let me get you a book or a giftcard at least!

[Agonistes]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

Should be magical? You're making one of the biggest commitment ever!

How exciting! I should get you gift! What do you need? A toaster? A new oven? A washing machine?

oh, i've already made the commitment.  that's a done deal.  no one can put it asunder.  as far as i'm concerned, now we're just celebrating it.  it's a pretty epic union, you don't even know.  people actually had to sit down when they found out about it and junk.

i got a toaster from the lesbian union for recruitment (that is a running lesbian joke.  don't worry if it makes no sense to you), and i've got two ovens.  really what i want is some of those badass front-loader washer-dryers that are as tall as me and have all the glass on them.  but, that sort of thing i should make sure our parents know about because i am pretty sure those are out of your budget, as they are out of my own budget.  and if they aren't, i want you to take me shopping immediately.

i'll totally invite you though.  youre close enough to go.

Really? You'd invite me? How fun!

I'm not acting weird am I? I love weddings!

At least let me get you a book or a giftcard at least!

sure.  i plan to have a lottttttt of people.

who cares if you're weird?  i don't love weddings, but being able to do a non-traditional one i admit is pretty fun.

you can gift what you want, of course.  quite likely we will register at home depot.  it's not going to be for awhile, though.  probably not before christmas, for sure.

[Mockery]

Mine's going to be a white trash wedding, happening only because I'm pregnant and my parents are forcing me to marry the father. We will have the reception at our home in the trailer park and I will borrow a white top and some pants from a friend. It's going to be very classy and we will serve mini hamburgers and cookies for dessert.

that would have to be a white tube top, btw.

#@!

I wear nothing else.

But yeah, I was totally joking lol.
My actual wedding is just going to be a massive party. Fuck the vows, I want a pretty dress and a good time.

Also, Sarah knows me very well and Ag, my dad would very much appreciate the shotgun. His got taken after he shot that guy by accident.

mine's a quarter inch from being too short to be legal and has a pistol-grip and an attached bandolier thingie.  also it has no sights on it, and is basically no use for anything but a life of crime, or home protection, as i use it.  i think the last time i actually fired it was five or so years ago.




i'm actually going to be planning a commitment ceremony pretty soon here.  suzy's daughter is not going to be happy till she sees us married with a freaking ceremony and party, because she's already got her own wedding out of her system and now wants to plan another.  neither suzy nor i are the event-organizing sort, but, like, half my friends are, so pretty much all i will have to do is show up, repeat after someone, and sing the karaoke song i picked out a few months ago to sing at suzy at the reception.  oh, and alert my backup dancers.  i have four.

should be a magical event.

Should be magical? You're making one of the biggest commitment ever!

How exciting! I should get you gift! What do you need? A toaster? A new oven? A washing machine?

oh, i've already made the commitment.  that's a done deal.  no one can put it asunder.  as far as i'm concerned, now we're just celebrating it.  it's a pretty epic union, you don't even know.  people actually had to sit down when they found out about it and junk.

i got a toaster from the lesbian union for recruitment (that is a running lesbian joke.  don't worry if it makes no sense to you), and i've got two ovens.  really what i want is some of those badass front-loader washer-dryers that are as tall as me and have all the glass on them.  but, that sort of thing i should make sure our parents know about because i am pretty sure those are out of your budget, as they are out of my own budget.  and if they aren't, i want you to take me shopping immediately.

i'll totally invite you though.  youre close enough to go.

Really? You'd invite me? How fun!

I'm not acting weird am I? I love weddings!

At least let me get you a book or a giftcard at least!

sure.  i plan to have a lottttttt of people.

who cares if you're weird?  i don't love weddings, but being able to do a non-traditional one i admit is pretty fun.

you can gift what you want, of course.  quite likely we will register at home depot.  it's not going to be for awhile, though.  probably not before christmas, for sure.

How fun! Can I bring my boyfriend?

Home depot? That's really all that sexy but who am I to judge?

[Agonistes]

i'm sure it wouldn't be a problem.  i'd planned to do a buffet instead of mess with table waiting.




you'd realize exactly how sexy home depot is if you were a gay gal, though.

[CeeGBee]

Hey Ag, aren't you worried that the State might get wind of it and send the SWAT team
to thwart your evil unnatural threat to the well-being of God-fearing people everywhere?

[Agonistes]

Hey Ag, aren't you worried that the State might get wind of it and send the SWAT team
to thwart your evil unnatural threat to the well-being of God-fearing people everywhere?

if it didn't happen when i was dating the governor's niece, it won't happen now.

[imaginary friend]

the current governor?

that must've been one hell of a pair of beer goggles if there's even the slightest resemblance.

#@!

[Agonistes]

the current governor?

that must've been one hell of a pair of beer goggles if there's even the slightest resemblance.

#@!

i refuse to give clarification, on the grounds that i'm on the internet.  suffice it to say, it's not the current governor.

and, it's relation by marriage.

[lentower]

Hey Ag, aren't you worried that the State might get wind of it and send the SWAT team
to thwart your evil unnatural threat to the well-being of God-fearing people everywhere?

if it didn't happen when i was dating the governor's niece, it won't happen now.

i hope i live long enough to read your memoirs!

[lentower]

I want swans at my wedding.  I want swans and doves and turtles and if I don't get them I will scweam and scweam and scweam!

wouldn't it be more appropriate to honk, coo, and whatever sounds turtles make?

and given your circle of friends,
i suspect the menagerie +/or costume equivalent could be arranged

[Agonistes]

so, mockery wants to be a princess.  you want to be a diva.  i want to be a rake.  the good cap'n wants to be whaht traysh.  i see where we are going with this.




and len, i used to own a 120-lb sulcata tortoise named spurs.  i can illuminate for you you that turtles grunt and sigh much like an inarticulate human or large dog, especially when they are bitching at you, but they don't have actual vocals of any kind.  the grunting is sort of a controlled snort-whoosh.

[lentower]

so have a chewbacca at your wedding?