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Author Topic: Some Thoughts on Loneliness  (Read 5330 times)

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NikosGr

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2012, 02:53:27 AM »

i really wish things will start to get better soon enough for you!
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Miranda.

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2012, 10:23:59 AM »

but mostly I have my family now.
And I love my family.
But I'm fucking lonely.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I know there isn't really anything to say to help you fell better. I mostly just wanted you to know that someone cares & can relate so maybe you can feel a little less lonely. I hope you can find a balance with school and SBox because I would be sad if you left! I'm pretty sure that if we didn't live in different states I would stalk you and make you my real life bff. except maybe in a less creepy fashion than that sounded...

ok, so it would probably be as creepy as it sounded
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Rose

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2012, 02:19:58 PM »

i really wish things will start to get better soon enough for you!
There's a club at school I'm going to check out. If I don't get scared away, they will hopefully start getting better. And thank you. <3
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Rose

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #18 on: November 02, 2012, 02:23:26 PM »

but mostly I have my family now.
And I love my family.
But I'm fucking lonely.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I know there isn't really anything to say to help you fell better. I mostly just wanted you to know that someone cares & can relate so maybe you can feel a little less lonely. I hope you can find a balance with school and SBox because I would be sad if you left! I'm pretty sure that if we didn't live in different states I would stalk you and make you my real life bff. except maybe in a less creepy fashion than that sounded...

ok, so it would probably be as creepy as it sounded
Creepy is probably alright. It might take a lot of stalking, but I'm sure you'd manage it. Actually, probably very little, since I drop a lot of hints about where I am if anyone knows Colorado. I'm pretty sure people can figure out what school I go to, at the very least.

I hope I find a balance with school and SBox too. I really like being on here, although I have to check myself a lot because I can't get too deep into forums. Real life is important. I just really, really hate writing papers and will take any excuse not to do them - which means I'm not looking as hard for a balance as I should be and then I have to go into panic mode for a week or two.
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Balloon Boy

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2013, 03:31:49 AM »

Wish I had discovered this forum last summer - could have really done with a thread like this to vent.

Last summer was the single worst time of my life, turning what was becoming a Bad Year into The Year I Gave Suicide a Whirl. My girlfriend of two years broke up with me, for entirely understandable reasons for which I have no one but myself to blame for. Regardless, I crashed completely, having lost one of the most stable elements in my life and thinking as well at that time that my life was getting better.

Due to the fact that I'm at Uni and have a job, I was pretty much forced to work during the summer away from home, while all my friends were home away from me, just only emphasising my crushing loneliness. For the first time in my life I started getting panic attacks and serious contemplations about suicide as a method of escape. The panic attacks at least have gone, but the suicidal thoughts and depressive periods remain, though I'm getting better at handling them.

At a time when I thought things might be getting better, my ex then decided that she had fallen in love with my best friend, one of my other pillars of support and brought my world crashing around my ears yet again. The snivelling little creep never even had the decency to talk to me about it, or apologise, and considering his romantic past I strongly suspect was simply taking advantage of a situation for his own end. I refuse to have anything to do with him.

However, I had called him a best friend, and him doing that felt like a fundamental betrayal. I don't have a huge amount of friends, and even fewer people I consider to be a best friend. That someone who I loved deeply enough that I felt safe enough to label them my best friend was able to do that and carry on being a smarmy arse made me feel like I was wrong.

(On a side note, I remember the first time I ever saw him I thought he looked like a pompous arse. Sometimes, it pays to stick to your first impressions).

Since then, I've thrown myself into my work. I'm writing a novel, a 1,000 words a day, plus uni work, plus dissertation. I've lost some friends, partly because of the arsehole, but mostly because I realise life is too short to be nice to people I don't massively respect. I've reexamined some of the relationships I still have, and consider them all the stronger for it now. My Bestest Best Friend in the World, who I had somewhat dropped off of contact with because of my ex not being fond of her, has utterly stood by me and helped me through. I owe her the world. My other friends, some of whom have been through similarly shit periods, have been massive help too. I don't think they ever knew how close I got to holding a knife to my throat, but that they'd joke and laugh and make me feel normal was a better salve than anything else they could do. I've made new friends as well, people who are kind and smart and brilliant.

I still get lonely though. It's funny - how in a world where I can message some via Twitter, Facebook, e-mail, Skype, text, phone, letter, a note, anything, how dreadful people are at talking to people. I used to be just as bad, but I'm making the effort now to stay in contact, and so I don't get so lonely.

It still happens. There are times, when I'm alone in my house, or it feels like I'm alone, and no one is around, that it all collapses again and I just foetal in a corner and cry. But I'm reassured by the past that this times will pass, and that in a few hours, a day maybe, I can call someone and they'll pick up the phone.

I think that's the worst thing I can think of, with regards to loneliness. I sorta need people. I understand it when people don't like me - I don't like me, and I have to live with me. Other people help drown out my inner voice, so I can focus on them. Which, come to think of it, sounds kinda creepy, but I hope you understand what I mean. But the worst thing is that I do try to reach out, and I make the effort and I get nothing back.

I can sit in my room for an hour, reading a book and perfectly fine. But it's those moments when I do need that person, a quick text is enough to let me know they care, that I am loved, even liked. That's it. Feeling like you've done something to deserve the loneliness you endure.

...

This ended up far longer than I expected it to.
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Faloleen

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2013, 04:55:32 AM »

Wow, that's really sad. But I'm glad you feel better now. Stay strong and good luck with your novel!
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CeeGBee

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #21 on: February 09, 2013, 01:20:20 AM »

[long-is post to be quoting]

That really is some shit....  but it sounds like you're getting a handle on it.

Good luck with, well, everything.
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sangrebloom

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Re: Some Thoughts on Loneliness
« Reply #22 on: March 02, 2013, 06:12:08 AM »

Lately I feel really alone...like cry into someone and hold them alone.  there isn't anyone right now in my life that fits that bill though, so I've been pushing it away trying to  get it out.  I'm hoping this helps as some cathartic typing mess that helps move this solid wall of loneliness out of my soul.   
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