^^ I love it. LOVE it.
This morning's was pretty fucking awesome. Bit long though...
I was in London - no idea why - and there was no-one about. Like literally, nobody - it wasn't scary, like 28 Days Later empty, it was just that everyone was taking the day off and staying in bed, so like they'd all called in sick and none of the shops were open and nothing was happening at all - it was all over the country though, not just London. England had pulled a sicky. As a result, I was bored stiff, so after lunch (I'd brought sandwiches xD) I went to find something to do. First I was in a business meeting in Boots, but nobody except me and the manager turned up. It was pretty weird because she lived in the store, which is why she turned up at all, and the meeting was on her bed. I was sat there in a shirt and black trousers, and she was having a cup of tea in her nightie with the covers pulled up to her chin.
Anyway, after a while I got bored of that so I left and went to a Liberal Democrat cabinet meeting instead. It was in this little white room at the back of a Methodist church because even though the Lib Dems were in charge, they weren't using the proper parliamentary buildings. I asked one woman why not, and what happened to the coalition and she said, "Oh, we decided to take it in turns and have alternating blue and yellow weeks. This week's yellow, but George [I assume Osborne] went home with the keys so we're locked out." There was a lot of milling about and drinking horrible conference tea (if you've been to a conference, you know the tea xD) while we waited for people to get out of bed and come and run the country. There was a circle of chairs, and I was sort of slumped over in one - I think I must have been sleeping in a weird position or something.
Anyway, eventually the meeting got going with like six of us, and then 15 minutes late, Cleggy walks in and sits next to me. He was in his shirt-sleeves, looking terribly dashing xD I was really fucking excited, it being Cleggy and all, but I couldn't move so I was like pressed face-first against his arm. He smelt looovely xD He was really funny, like pant-wettingly so, and really, really fucking mean. At one point this fat guy who looked a bit like a really poor Rufus Hound was talking, and Cleggy was like muttering to himself while he pulled a "listening" look, "Go on, fatty, you're as interesting as syphillis" and the like. The guy was called Simon, and passed a bit of paper to Cleggy who like smiled at him and said to himself through his teeth, "You're a complete cock and I hate you". Cracked me right up. I'd sat up by this point, and I made a joke about something and Cleggy looked at me sort of sideways and laughed. Then this scrawny, pale woman was talking and he leant over and went, "You're not supposed to be here" in my ear. I was like, eep! and he just smiled and looked at me a went, "Though... I suppose I don't mind" and winked at me xD
Eventually the meeting finished and Cleggy walked me to the door, gave me a hug and sent me on my way with a pat on the bum. I had to walk home - from London - and the path was like a bike trail near me but surrounded by much more high-tech ones that were all like silver and incredible. I wasn't meant to walk on those ones though, because once you were on you couldn't get back to the trail I was meant to be walking on. My brother rang me to ask if I'd be home for tea and was like, "I didn't know you'd gone out, I've only just got up. We'll have to have Pot Noodle, I'm afraid - it'd be take-away, but the chippy's shut because they're all in bed". I told him I was walking from London and he went, "Ah, about half an hour then. See you soon!" I went on the wrong path then, I was on this moving walkway thing and this pregnant woman pushing a pram - the pram was empty, she was just being like pre-emptive or something - walked past and told me very kindly where to get off. Turned out I had to jump off the side to get back to my path.
Anyway, eventually I got home and Thomas put the TV on while we ate our Pot Noodles. The only channel that was broadcasting - what with everyone in the country being in bed - was like BBC Parliament. It was this empty room, and a really wobbly camera. Cleggy was stood there, getting ready to talk, but the camera kept wobbling and he was like, "This is acting Prime Minister Cleggy [Yes he called himself Cleggy!]. I'd like to make a- Simon, would you keep that bloody thing still!" The camera like righted itself and zoomed in on Cleggy as he went, "I'd like to make an announcement. If you were at our meeting today and shouldn't have been.... call me!" and winked down the camera. Thomas was outraged and turned it off before I could copy out the number on the bit of cardboard Simon was now holding up in front of the screen, and I woke up.
