I often wonder what separates me from my cousins/family
We grew up in the same environment, attended the same schools, had the same opportunity.
In typical outcast fashion, I was the nerdy one that liked "headbanger music" and was always reading. and being weird or whatever.
I am not trying to toot my own horn b/c I have a intellectual inferiority complex myself.
Especially around these here parts. "Is this post going to be the final post when all the shadowboxers exile me into dummyland?"
But in comparison to my family you would think I was Stephen Hawking.
There are members of my family that dont know how to write out a check or have basic living skills to take care of themselves. Let alone basic knowledge about the world.
But I am sure they all know who Tila Tequila is.
It is both sad and infuriating.
I just dont know why I went in another direction.
Is it something inborn? I just dont know.
I know it sounds like I think I am 'better than' but if one doesnt have a choice, does it really mean anything?
I don't like my Own Ignorance in areas like Nature, etc.
Oh man, I sometimes get really worked up and angry because I dont know---- EVERYTHING.
I really beat myself up when I do not understand something.
I was reading about some theory Einstein had and I could not understand it. And I whining to my boyfriend at the time "Waaah, why am I so stupid??"
And he was like "Um, why are you comparing yourself to Einstein?"
I am so crazy . I have this standard for myself that I feel like I should be able to give ,at the very least, a brief summary on EVERY subject in the world!
But my brain is very limited.
And sometimes (i.e. a lot of times) I fill my down time with porno and celebrity gossip.