THESHADOWBOX.NET

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Amanda's got a blog. If blogs could talk, it'd ask you to read it. It might even say "please."

Pages: 1 2 [All]   Go Down

Author Topic: Teetotalism  (Read 5177 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Paul

  • ...has his baleful eye on you
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 708
Teetotalism
« on: June 29, 2008, 05:54:58 PM »

I decided to completely stop drinking recently (and also minimise going into pubs and clubs if it can be helped), but I'm finding it really isolating at the moment This is simply because most of my friends drink moderately or heavily, and prefer days and nights out in a pub to other activities. Consequently, I'm concerned about potentially not getting invited to future events, or the awkwardness that comes from conversation with very pissed people when you happen to be sober. Alcohol is very much a part of the social fabric in the UK, and it is difficult to avoid having to deal with it.

Obviously, I don't wish to lose contact with many of my friends, but may have that difficult choice as a consequence of this decision. Have others dealt with this during periods of teetotalism or temperance in their lives..
Logged
The Baleful Eye has spoken..................

The Great Ma Chao

  • Winstons and Mouthwash
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1014
  • Hell Is Illiterate
    • My Myspace
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2008, 05:59:58 PM »

Would it be possible to reinsert yourself into those environments once you feel comfortable with and confident enough in the fact that you will never drink again?
Logged
Quote from: kelliebean
Just follow her next time you see her head into the bathroom, and corner her. Women love that shit.

Paul

  • ...has his baleful eye on you
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 708
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2008, 06:16:44 PM »

Would it be possible to reinsert yourself into those environments once you feel comfortable with and confident enough in the fact that you will never drink again?

Well, I was never a heavy drinker anyway (certainly not as much as the people I knock about with), so I feel that I can keep off the booze quite easily when I'm in a pub or a club. The real reason is that I'm sick of pubs and clubs and want to start doing other things. The aim is that I only go to pubs to occasionally watch gigs and the like (or for a specific event such as a friend's birthday etc.), and that I concentrate on other pursuits that are more interesting.
Logged
The Baleful Eye has spoken..................

Katherine May Williams

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 1121
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2008, 06:43:31 PM »

It is very difficult at times. I haven't had an alcoholic drink/ingested any illegal substances/smoked a cigarette since 2005 and it has been quite an isolating experience.

Not that I plan to go back to my "former ways" but..

I've found myself occasionally getting angry at friends/family/people for a. apparently not being able to have fun/go out/live life without getting drunk/smoking/using drugs, and b. not being supportive/understanding of my decision not to do those things anymore. To the extent that I've simply stayed at home instead of going out with them. It's like being a nun at an orgy sometimes.
Logged

RatsRGods

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 635
  • Ain't nuthin' wrong, wit a lil bump & grind
    • My Myspace
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2008, 07:00:16 PM »

I've never been a big partier, go-er outer.  But I have had streaks of time where I was doing it every weekend and I got burned out.
It is really hard for me to be at a bar and not drink, because well it helps to loosen you up-- hence why everyone is drinking at the bar.  And like a lot of people I am painfully socially awkward when not slightly drunk.
And it just leads to stupid stuff like driving when you probably shouldnt, singing awful Spice Girls songs at kareoke because at the time it seems so funny and ironic, and spending too much money.
I've found that the friends I went out with are not the friends I would hang out with in the daylight (for the most part).  It's never, ever fun to be around drunk people when you are sober.

My suggestion:  get some rats.  They are good company and they dont abandon you when your passed out drunk in your car in the parking lot behind the bar.  Not that I know what thats like or anything...  stupid bitches
Logged
I do not allow hair to grow on my balls at all. 

CeeGBee

  • Too o-o-old to rock & ro-o-oll, but too young to die...
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18563
    • Facebook, website, what's the dif?
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2008, 07:29:36 PM »

Tell your friends you've decided to take a vacation from alcohol.  Go out, hang out, drink tea or soda...

If they have a problem with that....  well, they have a problem.  (Oh, and a lot of places provide
non-alcoholic drinks free for a "Designated Driver", at least in some areas...  It's good P.R.)
Logged
Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

The Great Ma Chao

  • Winstons and Mouthwash
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1014
  • Hell Is Illiterate
    • My Myspace
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2008, 07:58:06 PM »

Would it be possible to reinsert yourself into those environments once you feel comfortable with and confident enough in the fact that you will never drink again?

Well, I was never a heavy drinker anyway (certainly not as much as the people I knock about with), so I feel that I can keep off the booze quite easily when I'm in a pub or a club. The real reason is that I'm sick of pubs and clubs and want to start doing other things. The aim is that I only go to pubs to occasionally watch gigs and the like (or for a specific event such as a friend's birthday etc.), and that I concentrate on other pursuits that are more interesting.

You might try extending your new pursuits to them. Ask them to try something new with you, y'know? If they don't want to, well, it's their loss, and while it might suck to drift apart, maybe it'd be for the best, if they're so stuck on being content with the everyday thing?
Logged
Quote from: kelliebean
Just follow her next time you see her head into the bathroom, and corner her. Women love that shit.

yosmark

  • The Powa. The Powa.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 5884
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2008, 08:13:07 PM »

I decided to completely stop drinking recently (and also minimise going into pubs and clubs if it can be helped), but I'm finding it really isolating at the moment This is simply because most of my friends drink moderately or heavily, and prefer days and nights out in a pub to other activities. Consequently, I'm concerned about potentially not getting invited to future events, or the awkwardness that comes from conversation with very pissed people when you happen to be sober. Alcohol is very much a part of the social fabric in the UK, and it is difficult to avoid having to deal with it.

Obviously, I don't wish to lose contact with many of my friends, but may have that difficult choice as a consequence of this decision. Have others dealt with this during periods of teetotalism or temperance in their lives..

Well, since i am don´t like to drink too much some people don´t ask me to some places, which is good because i may answer them i will not go, it´s awkward and annoying talking to drunk people while sober, just leave it for a month if you don´t like the way it is going get back to the *glup glup* night life.

Logged

85283-071

  • tangentrification on a stick
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3461
  • M?ust We? Thro?b
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2008, 02:05:27 AM »

I have co-existed with using friends for long periods of teetotaling. The exception is my inability to endure the presence of people on heroin. They are booooooooring.
Logged
...a little concerned about your sensibilities.

RatsRGods

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 635
  • Ain't nuthin' wrong, wit a lil bump & grind
    • My Myspace
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2008, 08:17:00 PM »

I have co-existed with using friends for long periods of teetotaling. The exception is my inability to endure the presence of people on heroin. They are booooooooring.

yeah, they never seemed much like party animals.  with the whole slumping in a corner and drooling on themselves thing they do.
Logged
I do not allow hair to grow on my balls at all. 

Kovacs

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 884
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2008, 11:06:17 PM »

I've been sober for almost a year, my friends drink constantly, as do my roomates (they're drinking right now actually) and I haven't lost a friend yet. I go to bars probably 2-3 times a month. I'm in a drinking "situation" every night.

There's no need to give alcohol so much power. Yeah, it makes socializing easier. But not impossible. Sure, it relaxes. But so do other things, and better.

And a big thing? Most people drinking, honestly, could care less if you're sober. At least close friends shouldnt. I can see there being some awkwardness with a bunch of drunk strangers, but your friends should enjoy your company, period.

Admittedly, I went through some severe social adjustments through this whole process. But remove the power behind alcohol and...it just doesn't matter as much? A lot of the questions about isolation become moot. Go out to a bar and have fun. If being at the bar isn't fun, it should be because the bar itself isn't fun, not that you're not drinking. I actually really really enjoy being around my friends now when everyone trashed. I have a complete blast, and remember everything with no hangover. The only awkward part of the night for me is the first hour, when everyones loading up and I don't know what to do with my hands. I drink tonic. After that hour, I loosen up, without alcohol, and enjoy the night. That feeling, the loosening up without chemical influence, is extremely gratifying.

It helps that every single one of my friends has been highly supportive regarding my decision, I guess.

One of my idols in the area of sobriety...when I asked him what it's like for him to go to bars, he said "I don't even think of it. Alcohol is completely foreign to me." I'm not quite there yet. And I'm not sure I'll take it as far as he has. But I have taken away it's power, and it makes everything a whole lot easier.

Oh, and own it. If someone asks you why you aren't drinking, don't shy away from it. Say exactly why. It feels a lot better than just making up something to avoid any awkwardness.

There's more, but I'm feeling particularly scatter-brained at the moment, am pretty sure I'm not making much sense, and am going to let this percolate a bit.  :)
Logged

CeeGBee

  • Too o-o-old to rock & ro-o-oll, but too young to die...
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18563
    • Facebook, website, what's the dif?
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2008, 11:43:09 PM »

We have a wonderful Pub here...  In the States, yes, but the proprietor's from Liverpool...

He's been on the wagon for I forget how many years...  says his own experience helps him
see when a patron has had enough.  (..and he's also just a great guy, but that's another
story.)
Logged
Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

Kenny Wisdom

  • Desire in a Bowl of Potatoes
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1348
  • Emmett does peace; his way.
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #12 on: July 01, 2008, 06:51:05 AM »

Proprietor, from Liverpool...

On the wagon? Guaranteed it hasn't got any wheels, then, not if he's scouser...

 ;D

look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....
Logged
http://www.diggers.org/overview.htm

A life played for keeps. Read it, dig it, man...

Laissez lire, et laissez danser; ces deux amusements ne feront jamais de mal au monde!!

Greg Nova wrote:
Harper tu n'es qu'un petit couillon!

SomewhatDamaged

  • The greatest thing to have come out of East London since the plague
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1709
  • The devils of truth steal the souls of the free
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2008, 07:55:55 AM »


look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....

HEY! I have scouse blood (not much but its in my family) I can't walk past a hubcap without trembling!
Logged
Im an alltogether different being, I got black wings of fire & eyes of true seeing

CeeGBee

  • Too o-o-old to rock & ro-o-oll, but too young to die...
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18563
    • Facebook, website, what's the dif?
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #14 on: July 01, 2008, 10:33:55 AM »


look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....

HEY! I have scouse blood (not much but its in my family) I can't walk past a hubcap without trembling!


[quickly googles 'scouse'...]

Well, his accent is quite reminiscent of that displayed by those other four Liverpudlians of whom most have heard...   
You know, they formed a band, travelled the world, took a lot of drugs, got kicked out of a bunch of countries, married exotic women with odd political agendas...  yeah, those guys. 

Oh, and last I checked, he drove a large, very old (but clean and well-maintained) convertible
with a license plate that read something like  'BLUDY L'  ...



Now then, back to not-drinking with one's friends...
Logged
Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

SomewhatDamaged

  • The greatest thing to have come out of East London since the plague
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1709
  • The devils of truth steal the souls of the free
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #15 on: July 01, 2008, 03:18:00 PM »


look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....

HEY! I have scouse blood (not much but its in my family) I can't walk past a hubcap without trembling!


[quickly googles 'scouse'...]

Well, his accent is quite reminiscent of that displayed by those other four Liverpudlians of whom most have heard...   
You know, they formed a band, travelled the world, took a lot of drugs, got kicked out of a bunch of countries, married exotic women with odd political agendas...  yeah, those guys. 

Oh, and last I checked, he drove a large, very old (but clean and well-maintained) convertible
with a license plate that read something like  'BLUDY L'  ...



Now then, back to not-drinking with one's friends...

Next time you see him ask him if he is a Red Nose or Blue Nose? He will know what you mean.

As for not drinking with one's friends. My suggestion (& I admit its not a great one) Try drinking a non alcoholic beer. At least with a pint in your hand you may not feel so self conscious. Rightly or wrongly alcohol IS the social fabric in the UK! Your friends should respect your decision tho.
Logged
Im an alltogether different being, I got black wings of fire & eyes of true seeing

Kovacs

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 884
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #16 on: July 01, 2008, 03:38:31 PM »

As for not drinking with one's friends. My suggestion (& I admit its not a great one) Try drinking a non alcoholic beer. At least with a pint in your hand you may not feel so self conscious. Rightly or wrongly alcohol IS the social fabric in the UK! Your friends should respect your decision tho.

Though a good suggestion, the issue I've had with this is you get the "HOLY SHIT YOURE DRINKING WHAT THE FUCK PUT THAT DOWN" reaction, if people know you aren't drinking. It has the opposite effect of what's intended. I tried it once, I just had to explain the damn thing to everyone present. Plus it tasted like shit.  :)

I do always have a drink in my hand though. Force of habit, I tend to take a sip in conversation lulls. I polish off 6-7 drinks by the end of the night, guaranteed. Ideally I try not to drink coke, else I end up jacked up on caffeine for about a week.  :headbang:

Trust me though, no one is looking at you. Any feelings of self-consciousness can be overcome with the right perspective. And if they are, and they really care that much, then that's sort of their problem, isn't it?  :)

Of course, I'm not sure how it works across the pond (am I using that correctly?). I'm kind of curious for more detail to be honest, Paul.

Random story. I asked a friend to get me a tonic. He got me a vodka tonic. I took a sip/gulp, tasted it right away, and spat it back out. No harm no foul. I look to my left, and my roomates staring at me intently (he's mostly in the bag).

Me: Yes?
Him: Nothing.
Me: ....what!
Him: Nothing, I'm just waiting for you to start doing laps around the bar naked or something. That's what I was told would happen.
Me: ...
Him: Nothing? You're not even going to pour your heart out?
Me: *open palm slap to the face*
Him: Fair enough.

(Okay, so the last part was made up, though I have slapped him at least 10 times)

Reactions like that are how friends should act. If they aren't, then...well...
Logged

CeeGBee

  • Too o-o-old to rock & ro-o-oll, but too young to die...
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 18563
    • Facebook, website, what's the dif?
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #17 on: July 01, 2008, 04:44:46 PM »


look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....

HEY! I have scouse blood (not much but its in my family) I can't walk past a hubcap without trembling!


[quickly googles 'scouse'...]

Well, his accent is quite reminiscent of that displayed by those other four Liverpudlians of whom most have heard...   
You know, they formed a band, travelled the world, took a lot of drugs, got kicked out of a bunch of countries, married exotic women with odd political agendas...  yeah, those guys. 

Oh, and last I checked, he drove a large, very old (but clean and well-maintained) convertible
with a license plate that read something like  'BLUDY L'  ...



Now then, back to not-drinking with one's friends...

Next time you see him ask him if he is a Red Nose or Blue Nose? He will know what you mean.
Is he gonna PUNCH me in the nose for asking?


As for not drinking with one's friends. My suggestion (& I admit its not a great one) Try drinking a non alcoholic beer. At least with a pint in your hand you may not feel so self conscious. Rightly or wrongly alcohol IS the social fabric in the UK! Your friends should respect your decision tho.
Meh, root beer tastes better, looks like a manly porter...  (Good root beer that is.  Hires, A&W? Don't bother)
Logged
Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

SomewhatDamaged

  • The greatest thing to have come out of East London since the plague
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1709
  • The devils of truth steal the souls of the free
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #18 on: July 01, 2008, 06:27:06 PM »


look, look...it was going to be either me or Somehwatty, with the scouser joke....

HEY! I have scouse blood (not much but its in my family) I can't walk past a hubcap without trembling!


[quickly googles 'scouse'...]

Well, his accent is quite reminiscent of that displayed by those other four Liverpudlians of whom most have heard...   
You know, they formed a band, travelled the world, took a lot of drugs, got kicked out of a bunch of countries, married exotic women with odd political agendas...  yeah, those guys. 

Oh, and last I checked, he drove a large, very old (but clean and well-maintained) convertible
with a license plate that read something like  'BLUDY L'  ...



Now then, back to not-drinking with one's friends...

Next time you see him ask him if he is a Red Nose or Blue Nose? He will know what you mean.
Is he gonna PUNCH me in the nose for asking?



No its a safe non offensive question
Logged
Im an alltogether different being, I got black wings of fire & eyes of true seeing

Paul

  • ...has his baleful eye on you
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 708
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #19 on: July 04, 2008, 09:21:20 PM »

Thanks for your replies. I think though that some of them haven't addressed the situation I'm in. It isn't that I'm concerned that people will see me with a coke in my hand and judge me accordingly, but more to do with the decision to minimise going to pubs and clubs. My concern was that people would tak the easy route and say -

"OK.. We prefer pubs and clubs.. Paul wants us to do other things as he dislikes them... we'll just keep going and not invite him to anything in the future..."
Logged
The Baleful Eye has spoken..................

Kenny Wisdom

  • Desire in a Bowl of Potatoes
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 1348
  • Emmett does peace; his way.
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #20 on: July 05, 2008, 10:44:07 AM »

Well, in short, I stopped going to the local (well, very infrequently) and I stopped getting invites to things.

I think unfortunately that's just the way it is.

When I get all bitter and twisted about it I have to remind myself that I haven't invited any of the old crowd to anything either.

The road to Mandalay is a two way street, where the flyin' fishes play' .
Logged
http://www.diggers.org/overview.htm

A life played for keeps. Read it, dig it, man...

Laissez lire, et laissez danser; ces deux amusements ne feront jamais de mal au monde!!

Greg Nova wrote:
Harper tu n'es qu'un petit couillon!

~Louise~

  • ...just little old me...
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 891
  • Location: Western Australia
    • Myspace
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #21 on: July 07, 2008, 09:32:47 AM »

i hardly drink now, but most of my friends from school still drink heavily, take pills and go to clubs/pubs every weekend.  theyve given up inviting me out to clubs cause ill usually say no because i dont enjoy them and get too tired.  if i go to a gathering ill usually take a bottle of pump and drink that.  i do sometimes find not drinking awkward and wish i could see more of my friends in another environment, but im happier and healthier for not living their lifestyle. 

i would rather find time to spend with friends in places other than a pub/club, than go out and wear myself out just to see them.  if they cant make the time to do that, theyre not worth the effort in my opinon.

good luck :)
Logged
~sczond~ on the old box

The King of Carrot Flowers

  • 67 Indja Points
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4716
    • Surviving in a World of Stylish Peril
Re: Teetotalism
« Reply #22 on: July 15, 2008, 11:42:56 PM »

My father has been sobre for over 4 years; beforehand, alcohol was a serious problem for him. For a long time, he found it difficult just hanging around with people who still drank. He does now, but he is strong enough to control any urge to drink. Besides, he rarely is without a copious bounty of Arizona brand tea.

Personally, I don't think that you should have to feel threatened (that is, at risk) by friends of yours who still drink or even by the urge to drink. Don't worry—urges like that are perfectly normal. Don't be afraid to reach out for support (a little late now, since you've reached out with this thread), because there will always be someone who shares your struggle. A time will come when you can comfortably go out with friends and family who drink and still be able to maintain your own sobriety. Until that day, find another place at which you and your friends can hang out that isn't a pub. Invite them over to your house sometime. In time, you'll be able to ease yourself back into their idea of a good time without plunging yourself into a glass of brandy. Patience and willpower are key.
Logged
Pages: 1 2 [All]   Go Up