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[Indja]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

[CeeGBee]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

For email, it's all in the phrasing.

[Indja]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

For email, it's all in the phrasing.

Well, I told him how I felt and how fucking angry and hurt I was, and that he needed to figure out where his anger was stemming from or there was nothing we could to do. He ignored all the hurting me things and said that it was because I lied about smoking when I was younger - that's when I was 15 or so, to clarify, he's still blaming me for making a horrible decision when I was 15 because I'm the only person ever to do something during adolescence which they might later regret. I told him he had to deal with it or irreparably ruin our relationship.

And he told me, "Yes. Well the latter option seems the more likely at this point. I can't convince myself of any other explanation than that the relationship has been fractured and isn't going to be mended. Perhaps time will alter that. My fault. Sorry."

So.


I was talking to my cousin on the phone about it all, because he's been talking to her mum and it sounded like a great idea to talk it through with someone who knows us both. She was great, made me feel OK, but then I got his last email and her credit was running out. I haven't replied because I don't know what to do with that. Part of me just wants to flip the board over and tell him to go fuck himself. Another part of me wants to do all that but first try and see whether he actually feels that any of his behaviour was unacceptable or if he's cool with it.

[CeeGBee]

Well, I recognize (recognise?) that he's your dad, and the only one of those you get...
...and I recognize (whatever) that I'm getting this only from your side.....

....but it sounds like he's being a big ol' tool.

[Savannah]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

For email, it's all in the phrasing.

Well, I told him how I felt and how fucking angry and hurt I was, and that he needed to figure out where his anger was stemming from or there was nothing we could to do. He ignored all the hurting me things and said that it was because I lied about smoking when I was younger - that's when I was 15 or so, to clarify, he's still blaming me for making a horrible decision when I was 15 because I'm the only person ever to do something during adolescence which they might later regret. I told him he had to deal with it or irreparably ruin our relationship.

And he told me, "Yes. Well the latter option seems the more likely at this point. I can't convince myself of any other explanation than that the relationship has been fractured and isn't going to be mended. Perhaps time will alter that. My fault. Sorry."

So.


I was talking to my cousin on the phone about it all, because he's been talking to her mum and it sounded like a great idea to talk it through with someone who knows us both. She was great, made me feel OK, but then I got his last email and her credit was running out. I haven't replied because I don't know what to do with that. Part of me just wants to flip the board over and tell him to go fuck himself. Another part of me wants to do all that but first try and see whether he actually feels that any of his behaviour was unacceptable or if he's cool with it.

*Hugs*

Maybe giving it some time works better for both of you. You know, who gets up in anger, sits down with a loss. This is all about him being selfish and thoughtless. Of course, in time, he'll understand how offensive he had been, and i know for sure he's gonna miss you. So now if you answer him the way he has behaved to you, it'll be much harder to mend.

I can't see why most of the fathers tend to make life miserable both for themselves and their kids, being all obsessive and keep snarling about the same shits all the time.  

[Savannah]

I am so nervous. My driving test is today. In a couple of hours in fact. I've been having dreams all night about doing it.  Sometimes I passed, sometimes I failed. In one dream the examiner had me driving down the pavement.  I don't know what to do with myself.  

Aw don't worry, i'm sure you'll pass it

It's really easy, just keep yourself calm.

[Pope Totalfrog]

I have a pretty good life now. So why are a few bitchy comments from someone who hasn't seen me in years making me feel so shitty?

[absynth aura]

I should be sleeping. But I just had to sort cover for my manager for tomorrow.
Why me? I have no idea, but she's lucky I didn't go to sleep when I intended to.

[wolfwind20]

Maybe chilidogs weren't a good breakfast idea.

[Indja]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

For email, it's all in the phrasing.

Well, I told him how I felt and how fucking angry and hurt I was, and that he needed to figure out where his anger was stemming from or there was nothing we could to do. He ignored all the hurting me things and said that it was because I lied about smoking when I was younger - that's when I was 15 or so, to clarify, he's still blaming me for making a horrible decision when I was 15 because I'm the only person ever to do something during adolescence which they might later regret. I told him he had to deal with it or irreparably ruin our relationship.

And he told me, "Yes. Well the latter option seems the more likely at this point. I can't convince myself of any other explanation than that the relationship has been fractured and isn't going to be mended. Perhaps time will alter that. My fault. Sorry."

So.


I was talking to my cousin on the phone about it all, because he's been talking to her mum and it sounded like a great idea to talk it through with someone who knows us both. She was great, made me feel OK, but then I got his last email and her credit was running out. I haven't replied because I don't know what to do with that. Part of me just wants to flip the board over and tell him to go fuck himself. Another part of me wants to do all that but first try and see whether he actually feels that any of his behaviour was unacceptable or if he's cool with it.

*Hugs*

Maybe giving it some time works better for both of you. You know, who gets up in anger, sits down with a loss. This is all about him being selfish and thoughtless. Of course, in time, he'll understand how offensive he had been, and i know for sure he's gonna miss you. So now if you answer him the way he has behaved to you, it'll be much harder to mend.

I can't see why most of the fathers tend to make life miserable both for themselves and their kids, being all obsessive and keep snarling about the same shits all the time.  

Thanks, Savvy. You're brilliant I think leaving him to it is probably the best thing. It's hard and upsetting, but I have a life full of people who treat me with care and respect, I don't really need to spend my energy on someone being so foul. I'm just shocked, to be honest. I knew he was stubborn and selfish, but this is extreme even for him. And I'm worried that the longer I leave it, the more entrenched he'll get in his own ideas - like he'll tell his version of events to himself so often that it'll be increasingly difficult to convince him he's wrong.

@Cee - I'm not 100% on what his side of it is, but he says he's most hurt by the lying rather than the smoking, but the smoking hurts because his dad died of cancer. Which, incidentally, he didn't tell me until after Granny's funeral. But that's where he says the anger is stemming from, and his foul behaviour towards me over this last year has been because he's just really angry at me. I mean, I don't feel that's enough of an explanation because he's been fine for the most part with just these occasions bubbling up where he's deeply personally insulting and makes me feel like a complete outcast from the family, but that's his side of it as far as I know it.

[Savannah]

^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.


In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"

For email, it's all in the phrasing.

Well, I told him how I felt and how fucking angry and hurt I was, and that he needed to figure out where his anger was stemming from or there was nothing we could to do. He ignored all the hurting me things and said that it was because I lied about smoking when I was younger - that's when I was 15 or so, to clarify, he's still blaming me for making a horrible decision when I was 15 because I'm the only person ever to do something during adolescence which they might later regret. I told him he had to deal with it or irreparably ruin our relationship.

And he told me, "Yes. Well the latter option seems the more likely at this point. I can't convince myself of any other explanation than that the relationship has been fractured and isn't going to be mended. Perhaps time will alter that. My fault. Sorry."

So.


I was talking to my cousin on the phone about it all, because he's been talking to her mum and it sounded like a great idea to talk it through with someone who knows us both. She was great, made me feel OK, but then I got his last email and her credit was running out. I haven't replied because I don't know what to do with that. Part of me just wants to flip the board over and tell him to go fuck himself. Another part of me wants to do all that but first try and see whether he actually feels that any of his behaviour was unacceptable or if he's cool with it.

*Hugs*

Maybe giving it some time works better for both of you. You know, who gets up in anger, sits down with a loss. This is all about him being selfish and thoughtless. Of course, in time, he'll understand how offensive he had been, and i know for sure he's gonna miss you. So now if you answer him the way he has behaved to you, it'll be much harder to mend.

I can't see why most of the fathers tend to make life miserable both for themselves and their kids, being all obsessive and keep snarling about the same shits all the time.  

Thanks, Savvy. You're brilliant I think leaving him to it is probably the best thing. It's hard and upsetting, but I have a life full of people who treat me with care and respect, I don't really need to spend my energy on someone being so foul. I'm just shocked, to be honest. I knew he was stubborn and selfish, but this is extreme even for him. And I'm worried that the longer I leave it, the more entrenched he'll get in his own ideas - like he'll tell his version of events to himself so often that it'll be increasingly difficult to convince him he's wrong.

@Cee - I'm not 100% on what his side of it is, but he says he's most hurt by the lying rather than the smoking, but the smoking hurts because his dad died of cancer. Which, incidentally, he didn't tell me until after Granny's funeral. But that's where he says the anger is stemming from, and his foul behaviour towards me over this last year has been because he's just really angry at me. I mean, I don't feel that's enough of an explanation because he's been fine for the most part with just these occasions bubbling up where he's deeply personally insulting and makes me feel like a complete outcast from the family, but that's his side of it as far as I know it.

Your welcome Indie, i can relate to most of the things you have told about your father.
It sounds like he needs a professional help. But of course he would not accept it, not while he's so angry about everything.

Yeah if you wait too long, then he might think you don't give a damn and it can get him more frustrated.  It's a big dilemma. Anyway i hope he calms down soon, so you two can fix the things.

And as for him getting more entrenched in his own ideas, well you know the voice of conscience never stops. In time, i think he'll start questioning where he went wrong. That's just one thing i've experienced with my dad, he has caused so much drama, you know he even sued me, but now he's looking forward to contact and fix the things with me.

[Indja]

^I'm not really sure my dad listens to anything telling him he's wrong, even if it's the voice in his head xD He is unfathomably stubborn, he really is. And I think you're right about him needing help, but you are so right about him never getting it. He's too convinced he's right, apart from anything else.

I think I'm too angry to deal with this as well, like I need time to get on with my life and wait until I calm down a bit. It's going to take a long time, and it won't stop hurting, but I hope I can stop being so angry. For now, however, I'm going to go and eat chocolate and watch Buffy I hope you and your dad sort things out. And I really hope that if I have babies with a guy, he's a better dad than mine is.

[buttercup.]

^I'm not really sure my dad listens to anything telling him he's wrong, even if it's the voice in his head xD He is unfathomably stubborn, he really is. And I think you're right about him needing help, but you are so right about him never getting it. He's too convinced he's right, apart from anything else.

I think I'm too angry to deal with this as well, like I need time to get on with my life and wait until I calm down a bit. It's going to take a long time, and it won't stop hurting, but I hope I can stop being so angry. For now, however, I'm going to go and eat chocolate and watch Buffy I hope you and your dad sort things out. And I really hope that if I have babies with a guy, he's a better dad than mine is.

If I was in your place, which I may be someday because my dad is from outer space, I would eventually just say "Look, you obviously want this to happen, and when you're ready to stop hurting me and yourself by keeping us from having a healthy relationship, I'll be here. Because I love you unconditionally."

Meanwhile I too will watch Buffy. I wub you Hero.

[Indja]

^I'm not really sure my dad listens to anything telling him he's wrong, even if it's the voice in his head xD He is unfathomably stubborn, he really is. And I think you're right about him needing help, but you are so right about him never getting it. He's too convinced he's right, apart from anything else.

I think I'm too angry to deal with this as well, like I need time to get on with my life and wait until I calm down a bit. It's going to take a long time, and it won't stop hurting, but I hope I can stop being so angry. For now, however, I'm going to go and eat chocolate and watch Buffy I hope you and your dad sort things out. And I really hope that if I have babies with a guy, he's a better dad than mine is.

If I was in your place, which I may be someday because my dad is from outer space, I would eventually just say "Look, you obviously want this to happen, and when you're ready to stop hurting me and yourself by keeping us from having a healthy relationship, I'll be here. Because I love you unconditionally."

Meanwhile I too will watch Buffy. I wub you Hero.

I wub you too, Malibum xxx You are wise, and kind, and wonderful in many ways. I should totes blow the money I'm saving for post-grad on coming to visit you xD Also, I think all dads are from outer space. Something happens when they cut the umbilical cord that just fires a little bit of martian-ness into the chap's brain.

[buttercup.]

^I'm not really sure my dad listens to anything telling him he's wrong, even if it's the voice in his head xD He is unfathomably stubborn, he really is. And I think you're right about him needing help, but you are so right about him never getting it. He's too convinced he's right, apart from anything else.

I think I'm too angry to deal with this as well, like I need time to get on with my life and wait until I calm down a bit. It's going to take a long time, and it won't stop hurting, but I hope I can stop being so angry. For now, however, I'm going to go and eat chocolate and watch Buffy I hope you and your dad sort things out. And I really hope that if I have babies with a guy, he's a better dad than mine is.

If I was in your place, which I may be someday because my dad is from outer space, I would eventually just say "Look, you obviously want this to happen, and when you're ready to stop hurting me and yourself by keeping us from having a healthy relationship, I'll be here. Because I love you unconditionally."

Meanwhile I too will watch Buffy. I wub you Hero.

I wub you too, Malibum xxx You are wise, and kind, and wonderful in many ways. I should totes blow the money I'm saving for post-grad on coming to visit you xD Also, I think all dads are from outer space. Something happens when they cut the umbilical cord that just fires a little bit of martian-ness into the chap's brain.

Aw! As much as I'd like my own Indja in amircuh, I'd rather you go get your edumacation, and then come when yer brains all filled with brains, and possibly more money because we all know you'll be Emperor by then.  But if you insist, I'll spunk up the spare room and rescue you from the airport.