^I think phones are hard because they remove so much of importance from the conversation - body language, eye contact, etc - but because you're talking out loud you forget to compensate for it. Like online you know that it's just what you type so you make the effort to make yourself clear. Perhaps.For email, it's all in the phrasing.
In other news, I got an email from my dad yesterday asking what we should do about our relationship and the fact he thinks it's horrible. It's been sitting in my inbox because I genuinely don't know what to say apart from "How about you stop being a cock?"
Well, I told him how I felt and how fucking angry and hurt I was, and that he needed to figure out where his anger was stemming from or there was nothing we could to do. He ignored all the hurting me things and said that it was because I lied about smoking when I was younger - that's when I was 15 or so, to clarify, he's still blaming me for making a horrible decision when I was 15 because I'm the only person ever to do something during adolescence which they might later regret. I told him he had to deal with it or irreparably ruin our relationship.
And he told me, "Yes. Well the latter option seems the more likely at this point. I can't convince myself of any other explanation than that the relationship has been fractured and isn't going to be mended. Perhaps time will alter that. My fault. Sorry."
I was talking to my cousin on the phone about it all, because he's been talking to her mum and it sounded like a great idea to talk it through with someone who knows us both. She was great, made me feel OK, but then I got his last email and her credit was running out. I haven't replied because I don't know what to do with that. Part of me just wants to flip the board over and tell him to go fuck himself. Another part of me wants to do all that but first try and see whether he actually feels that any of his behaviour was unacceptable or if he's cool with it.
Maybe giving it some time works better for both of you. You know, who gets up in anger, sits down with a loss. This is all about him being selfish and thoughtless. Of course, in time, he'll understand how offensive he had been, and i know for sure he's gonna miss you. So now if you answer him the way he has behaved to you, it'll be much harder to mend.
I can't see why most of the fathers tend to make life miserable both for themselves and their kids, being all obsessive and keep snarling about the same shits all the time.
Thanks, Savvy. You're brilliant
I think leaving him to it is probably the best thing. It's hard and upsetting, but I have a life full of people who treat me with care and respect, I don't really need to spend my energy on someone being so foul. I'm just shocked, to be honest. I knew he was stubborn and selfish, but this is extreme even for him. And I'm worried that the longer I leave it, the more entrenched he'll get in his own ideas - like he'll tell his version of events to himself so often that it'll be increasingly difficult to convince him he's wrong.
@Cee - I'm not 100% on what his side of it is, but he says he's most hurt by the lying rather than the smoking, but the smoking hurts because his dad died of cancer. Which, incidentally, he didn't tell me until after Granny's funeral. But that's where he says the anger is stemming from, and his foul
behaviour towards me over this last year has been because he's just really angry at me. I mean, I don't feel that's enough of an explanation because he's been fine for the most part with just these occasions bubbling up where he's deeply personally insulting and makes me feel like a complete outcast from the family, but that's his side of it as far as I know it.