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Author Topic: having a relationship with a friend...?  (Read 2356 times)

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lifeisnocabaret

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having a relationship with a friend...?
« on: July 29, 2008, 11:12:09 PM »

last saturday night i went to this girl's sweet 16 party (her name is anastasia). her and i used to not get along at all but now we can tolerate each other.
about 5 of my friends and i went to the party together, including my friend eddie. i've liked eddie for about 3 years (crazy, i know) and we got to be really good friends within the last year. like i consider him my best guy-friend. and i've mentioned hooking up to him but he was like "i don't like to hook up with my really good friends" so i was like ok fine whatever.
we all thought the party was going to be really great. we were sooooo wrong. it sucked. there were so few people there and no one was dancing.
eventually anastasia started to play spin the bottle (apparently we were back in middle school...) so eddie and i are sitting next to each other and the anastasia spins the bottle and it lands on eddie. and so anastasia walks up to eddie and the girl who was taking pictures asked if it was a kiss on the cheek or not. and eddie was like "well, it's your birthday" and then anastasia attacked his face. GROSS. and then apparently the picture didn't turn out so she went in again. and i walked away. my friends and i were sitting on a couch and eddie comes over and sits down and we were talking about the kiss and he's like "ok so the first time she kinda missed me mouth. i had to wipe spit off of my mouth. it was disgusting"...so i got some humor about that.
my friend susannah, who was giving eddie a ride home, asked eddie what he thought about me and he said that there is definitely something between me and him but he doesn't want to mess the friendship up. which i understand. and he was apparently like "well i want to be more than friends with benefits but not like boyfriend-girlfriend....like i'd like an open relationship"
i know that open relationship means that we would be together but free to hook up with other people. but for us, how would that be different from friends with benefits?
i would like to be together with him but without the boyfriend-girlfriend label, because i find that labels screw things up.
HELP!
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2008, 01:31:32 AM »

So you want to be fuck buddies then?
Well... It either works or it doesn't. It's definitely risky, and involves a lot of communication, but it CAN be done.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2008, 02:15:43 AM »

No, I think the correct term is companion.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2008, 04:23:43 AM »

Correct term is he wants to have his cake, and eat it.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2008, 06:04:24 AM »

I don't really know what to say. I hate the thought of an open-relationship, I've never had one, mostly because fidelity or as they call it now, "exclusivity" was always taken for granted, I've never had to ask for an exclusive relationship. I'm a bit conservative about this,I don't like sharing, so the concept is appalling to me. But hey, if you're ok with it, that's fine. However, the whole thing depends on how well you get along with him. If your relationship is really great, I suggest you don't become fuck buddies, as ampy mentioned, because this is how usually friendships are ruined. Oh course, there are exceptions, but I just wouldn't risk it. It's hard to find a lover, but it's even harder to find a good friend.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2008, 09:19:58 AM »

You walked away from a kiss imposed by a bottle spinning, not true feelings.

Now imagine how you would feel being with him, then knowing he might be involved with others?

Think really hard and be honest with yourself. If you can stay friends, and forget the other part there is always hope for a deeper relationship later.

The main thing is to be honest with yourself, and what you think you need and can handle from a relationship. Hope this helps...
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2008, 09:29:40 AM »

You use the word "gross" without a hint of irony.

I don't think you're ready for an, ahem, open relationship.
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lifeisnocabaret

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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2008, 11:55:16 AM »

yea i dont know if i could handle an open relationship with him.
i'm not sure.
i think i just need to give it time and see what happens.

thanks for your advice, everyone.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2008, 12:29:51 PM »

You walked away from a kiss imposed by a bottle spinning, not true feelings.

Now imagine how you would feel being with him, then knowing he might be involved with others?

Think really hard and be honest with yourself. If you can stay friends, and forget the other part there is always hope for a deeper relationship later.

The main thing is to be honest with yourself, and what you think you need and can handle from a relationship. Hope this helps...


I agree! especially with the first part!
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kayci

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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2008, 06:12:36 PM »

He totally wants to be fuckbuddies without the responsibility of a relationship *and* without admitting that's all he wants.

It's doable if that's what you want, but it's usually not worth it if you have emotional investment. If you think it could develop into a "closed" relationship, then maybe try it out.

The above poster made a good point about walking away during the game, though. You're more attached than he is already.

Good luck.
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2008, 11:23:17 PM »

I think it's okay to go from being "just good friends" to being "lover and lover". I'm currently trying to become involved with my friend Kang... Oh, the misery!
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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2008, 11:51:26 PM »

My experiance from dating friends, or from having friends from the 'group' date, is that it always ends badly for someone, either the other friends get screwed because the group falls apart, or loses those two, or one of those two members, and it messed with the group dynamic, or even if the two work out well ultimately, feelings are still hurt because someone liked someone or.. some shit always goes wrong, i've yet to see a friendship relationship that ended or came out perfectly or well for everyone and all were happy...

I dated my best friend and we ended up 'being together' for over 2 years, but I actually miss having him as my best friend, and i'd rather him still be or for that period of time have been my best friend rather than my boyfriend..
I wouldnt change anything.. it just blah. Things change when it becomes a relationship (most of the time..)
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lifeisnocabaret

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Re: having a relationship with a friend...?
« Reply #12 on: August 06, 2008, 10:46:47 AM »

i've made a decision.
i'm gonna go for it.
i know that if i don't, i'm going to be kicking myself in the ass, wondering what would have happened if i had done something.
i'm not going to take things too seriously. things might progress into an actual relationship or we might just go back to being friends.
but i really don't think that this would ruin the friendship.
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