Topic: those billboards in front of churches... (Read 10785 times)

malcontent · « **on:** July 31, 2008, 02:21:36 PM »

At the corner of my street there is a presbytarian church. This church has one of those billboard things where they post godly saying meant to convince you to go to church or warm the heart or something...

This is what it reads this month.

"When God measures you he puts the tape around the heart"

So... post the shit you read on church billboards! Some of them are funny like that one.. some of them are ridiculous and some actually make you think. I want to hear them all!

imaginary friend · « **Reply #1 on:** July 31, 2008, 02:42:53 PM »

My all-time fave is still "Stop, Drop and Roll won't work in Hell"

jdfu!

CaffeinatedCassadie · « **Reply #2 on:** July 31, 2008, 04:42:26 PM »

One time this church across the street from my school had a sign that said "CHRIST MAKES IT POSSIBLE TO COME". Ahaha that one was funny. Damn mexican church! just kidding yosmark!

Beth · « **Reply #3 on:** July 31, 2008, 05:15:51 PM »

'Happy Birthday Jesus' makes me laugh every year. especially when there's balloons too.

Killer Queen · « **Reply #4 on:** July 31, 2008, 05:23:40 PM »

Next to my university is a very large 10 ft banner on a church roof that reads "God Loves Students!"

I've always dreamed of putting it in front of my old public school. Not really sure why.

___ampersand · « **Reply #5 on:** July 31, 2008, 09:55:35 PM »

"Jesus Says:
Life is like a game of tennis--even when you have nothing, you still have love."

Street Magic · « **Reply #6 on:** July 31, 2008, 10:05:01 PM »

there is a church next-door to the local Dairy Queen (which, for all you non-southerners, is an old Texas fast food chain. it sells burgers and stuff but mostly markets on its ice cream).

and today the church billboard said:
"OUR SUNDAYS ARE BETTER THAN DAIRY QUEEN'S"

lol.

Hayley Fiasco! · « **Reply #7 on:** July 31, 2008, 10:27:17 PM »

There's a church not that far from my house and they have all sorts of different changing signs - funny ones, just boring spiritual ones etc.

The one that I remember off the top of my head:

"Seven days without church makes one weak"

Molotovna · « **Reply #8 on:** July 31, 2008, 10:33:05 PM »

I like this thread. While I've seen plenty of humorous Church signs, conveniently enough, I can't think of any right now. Have to think...

gargantuan · « **Reply #9 on:** July 31, 2008, 11:22:30 PM »

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"

Corona-Radiata1203 · « **Reply #10 on:** July 31, 2008, 11:42:10 PM »

one time, me and my girlfriend were walking around downtown at night, and there was this Jesus sign under an Insurance place, and it said something like "Jesus will come at a time you least expect it" ( haha well he better be wearing protection)

CeeGBee · « **Reply #11 on:** July 31, 2008, 11:59:45 PM »

Quote from: gargantuan on July 31, 2008, 11:22:30 PM

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"

You laugh....
I recall a really great Dolls show in a Synagogue in DC... I sure do.

malcontent · « **Reply #12 on:** August 02, 2008, 02:09:33 AM »

Quote from: CeeGBee on July 31, 2008, 11:59:45 PM

Quote from: gargantuan on July 31, 2008, 11:22:30 PM

sorry...

I also lov e this Simpsons church saying: "There's Something About The Virgin Mary"

You laugh....
I recall a really great Dolls show in a Synagogue in DC... I sure do.

Jews are cooler than christians.

guuurrrrrllltakeiteasy · « **Reply #13 on:** August 02, 2008, 02:54:05 PM »

"The best position is on your knees"

~Louise~ · « **Reply #14 on:** August 03, 2008, 10:21:40 AM »

the church's sign across from my old high school had those movable letters so kids would rearrange them to say something else funny. conveniently, i cant think of any

Haushinka · « **Reply #15 on:** August 03, 2008, 10:46:17 AM »

I have a weird fascination with ameican culture- These are all ripped from boners.com, but they are all-time favourites, and have all been screensavers.

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/21nfvq9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/20u8nxd.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.tinypic.com/iz6q2g.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.tinypic.com/sv4fw0.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i35.tinypic.com/2gwwcn9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

malcontent · « **Reply #16 on:** August 03, 2008, 10:47:45 AM »

This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.

___ampersand · « **Reply #17 on:** August 03, 2008, 02:52:50 PM »

Hahah so the pentecostal church down the road today:
"God loves technology: He'll answer your KNEE-mail."

___ampersand · « **Reply #18 on:** August 03, 2008, 02:54:58 PM »

Quote from: Corona-Radiata1203 on July 31, 2008, 11:42:10 PM

one time, me and my girlfriend were walking around downtown at night, and there was this Jesus sign under an Insurance place, and it said something like "Jesus will come at a time you least expect it" ( haha well he better be wearing protection)

Hahah shit, I forgot about that.

Corona-Radiata1203 · « **Reply #19 on:** August 04, 2008, 03:56:42 AM »

Quote from: ___ampersand on August 03, 2008, 02:52:50 PM

Hahah so the pentecostal church down the road today:
"God loves technology: He'll answer your KNEE-mail."

well, of course god wants you on your knees. its how he works. but then he expects money...whoa, thats waaay to true to be a coincidence! i just figured out that god is a john!!!

Paul · « **Reply #20 on:** August 07, 2008, 08:55:18 PM »

CeeGBee · « **Reply #21 on:** August 07, 2008, 09:11:19 PM »

Quote from: malcontent on August 03, 2008, 10:47:45 AM

This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.

Seriously, any idiot with a computer can photoshop a sign to suggest something clever.

Stop posting fake shit.

(Granted, "Scientology"... yep, it's fake alright, before anybody photoshops anything...)

Paul · « **Reply #22 on:** August 07, 2008, 09:53:22 PM »

Quote from: CeeGBee on August 07, 2008, 09:11:19 PM

Quote from: malcontent on August 03, 2008, 10:47:45 AM
This thread isn't for fake church signs that sounds ridiculous or what people have made church signs says... its for real church signs that you've actually seen yourself.
Seriously, any idiot with a computer can photoshop a sign to suggest something clever.

Stop posting fake shit.

(Granted, "Scientology"... yep, it's fake alright, before anybody photoshops anything...)

Point taken of course (and I won't post any more), but considering that Scientology is a cynical charade masquerading as a religion, it befits such treatment.

malcontent · « **Reply #23 on:** August 08, 2008, 02:21:00 AM »

Care to hear my thoughts on scientology? I wish I was rich so I could go to heaven too.

yosmark · « **Reply #24 on:** August 08, 2008, 08:24:50 PM »

Quote from: Haushinka on August 03, 2008, 10:46:17 AM

I have a weird fascination with ameican culture- These are all ripped from boners.com, but they are all-time favourites, and have all been screensavers.

<a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i33.tinypic.com/21nfvq9.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic">[/url]

HAHAHAHHAHA, fucking great.

tonic pancake. · « **Reply #25 on:** August 08, 2008, 08:40:11 PM »

there's a church by my house that always has great ones.
in the summer, the always use:
"we're prayer conditioned"
"protection from the son"

but my all time favorite:
"ch ch
what's missing?
ur"

imaginary friend · « **Reply #26 on:** September 07, 2008, 05:38:32 PM »

There's a church in Blacklick, Ohio that had the following sign 'til a few days ago:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
and then I went to Hell

jdfu!

malcontent · « **Reply #27 on:** September 07, 2008, 08:50:56 PM »

No fucking way..... seriously?! Thats fucking bullshit. I'd drink a bottle of whiskey and then the next morning save my diarrhea and throw it on the sign.

such a classic girl · « **Reply #28 on:** September 07, 2008, 10:37:59 PM »

Quote from: hurricane hugo on September 07, 2008, 05:38:32 PM

There's a church in Blacklick, Ohio that had the following sign 'til a few days ago:

I kissed a girl and I liked it
and then I went to Hell

jdfu!

i was just about to post this!

and a link to the news story:

http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=99193&catid=337

Pope Totalfrog · « **Reply #29 on:** September 07, 2008, 10:53:04 PM »

What a bunch of asshats. Yet another thing to add to list of why I dislike "Christians". It should have read "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to hell - but it was totally worth it!" At least it would have if I had walked past it and had the chance to do a little grafitti.

yosmark · « **Reply #30 on:** September 07, 2008, 10:59:50 PM »

Are "Jesus lol" accepted in here?

imaginary friend · « **Reply #31 on:** September 08, 2008, 12:05:57 PM »

Quote from: totalfrog on September 07, 2008, 10:53:04 PM

What a bunch of asshats. Yet another thing to add to list of why I dislike "Christians". It should have read "I kissed a girl and I liked it, then I went to hell - but it was totally worth it!" At least it would have if I had walked past it and had the chance to do a little grafitti.

The really funny part is the reason the pastor removed it: nobody seemed to get the reference!

jdfu!

dangerpants · « **Reply #32 on:** September 08, 2008, 12:07:29 PM »

There was a sign near my job in Hershey that said "Masons make good men better." I really wanted to mix up some of the letters so it read: "Masons do men better."

Dejah Thoris · « **Reply #33 on:** July 21, 2011, 01:34:28 PM »

The church sign nearby uses both sides. Yesterday it said "What's so great about heaven? EVERYTHING!"
and "Is your name written in heaven?"

"Fuck no", I said in a silent prayer as I drove past.

Savannah · « **Reply #34 on:** July 21, 2011, 01:43:29 PM »

Quote from: oXygenMask on July 21, 2011, 01:34:28 PM

The church sign nearby uses both sides. Yesterday it said "What's so great about heaven? EVERYTHING!"
and "Is your name written in heaven?"

"Fuck no", I said in a silent prayer as I drove past.

Are they selling the title deeds of villas in heaven? If so i'd like to buy one.

Agonistes · « **Reply #35 on:** July 21, 2011, 06:14:26 PM »

my favorite thing they always put is, 'reason is the enemy of faith.'

well yes. yes, it is.

imaginary friend · « **Reply #36 on:** April 28, 2012, 12:01:11 PM »

...in case you didn't believe her:

Savannah · « **Reply #37 on:** April 28, 2012, 04:05:39 PM »

^

Total brain fuck even for a relatively unreasonable person like me.

Would you believe me if i told you i'm a panda who has the average skills of the humankind? Well in order to make you believe in me, i'd have to make up some reasons.

I don't mean to criticize the religions or religious people. But if somebody is to make me believe in an organized religion, they should show me reasons.

Marx summerized the situation in the best way a man could, "Religion is the opium of the people.".

Tiervexx · « **Reply #38 on:** April 28, 2012, 09:20:35 PM »

Quote from: Savannah on April 28, 2012, 04:05:39 PM

^ Total brain fuck even for a relatively unreasonable person like me.

Would you believe me if i told you i'm a panda who has the average skills of the humankind? Well in order to make you believe in me, i'd have to make up some reasons.

I don't mean to criticize the religions or religious people. But if somebody is to make me believe in an organized religion, they should show me reasons.

...sort of like Occam's Razor. EVERYBODY uses it constantly in their daily lives. You use it to not worry about the giant python under your bed or the zombies in your basement. From wikipedia:

"The pragmatist may go on, as David Hume did on the topic induction, that there is no satisfying alternative to granting this premise. Though one may claim that Occam's razor is invalid as a premise helping to regulate theories, putting this doubt into practice would mean doubting whether every step forward will result in locomotion or a nuclear explosion. In other words still: "What's the alternative?"

When most people use Occam's razor they think of it as "common sense." But when it is sighted in a debate about mysticism or religion it becomes philosophical mumbo jumbo.

CottonCandy · « **Reply #39 on:** April 29, 2012, 05:10:34 AM »

There are some genuinely cool ones that I've seen....

One had tardis-like phone box and next to it: "Jesus- the original time lord" The same church earlier had a double-sided billboard where on the other side they had "Searching?" (written in google-like font) and in the search box "What is the meaning of life?" and on the other side they had Bible as the only search results, with the note "Bible is the answer to all of your questions"

Another church, which is well-known for being a gay-friendly church, and otherwise very open, had something like "If you don't like to mingle with (every possible "sinning" group mentioned in the bible, including gays), then don't come here, because we welcome anyone Jesus would."

imaginary friend · « **Reply #40 on:** October 11, 2012, 12:55:25 PM »

Miranda. · « **Reply #41 on:** November 13, 2012, 11:27:48 AM »

didn't get a picture before they changed it but a I saw a church sign that read "If Jesus had a refrigerator your picture would be on it."

CeeGBee · « **Reply #42 on:** November 13, 2012, 02:10:15 PM »

Quote from: imaginary friend on October 11, 2012, 12:55:25 PM

If ya follow the mythology....
Isn't J.C. kinda Anakin's half-brother?

imaginary friend · « **Reply #43 on:** September 13, 2013, 05:26:27 PM »

courtesy of some church in North Carolina:

sangrebloom · « **Reply #44 on:** September 14, 2013, 02:29:00 PM »

Dude, not ok. I'm not even gonna get into why that's bullshit.

imaginary friend · « **Reply #45 on:** February 27, 2014, 02:24:43 PM »

imaginary friend · « **Reply #46 on:** April 03, 2014, 06:08:57 PM »

imaginary friend · « **Reply #47 on:** November 18, 2014, 07:01:29 PM »

Miss Sahara · « **Reply #48 on:** November 18, 2014, 08:36:36 PM »

Omg that is hilarious and makes me kinda wish i lived in a country where they have billboards in front of churches!

Hakushi · « **Reply #49 on:** December 12, 2014, 03:22:45 AM »

I'm pretty used to passing church billboards. They're everywhere here. One sign, which had caught my attention the week earlier said:

HEAVENLY FORECAST: JESUS WILL REIGN FOREVER

Clever, right? Well, the next week it said:

FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS.

I drove by that one, and immediately thought "Mmmm ... jam." Then I realised what it was really saying, and my first thought after the realisation was, "Mmmm ... jam."

imaginary friend · « **Reply #50 on:** December 16, 2014, 06:57:29 PM »

imaginary friend · « **Reply #51 on:** March 08, 2015, 06:03:15 PM »

you don't say...

imaginary friend · « **Reply #52 on:** June 06, 2015, 01:48:59 PM »

imaginary friend · « **Reply #53 on:** April 22, 2016, 07:43:18 PM »

malcontent · « **Reply #54 on:** June 01, 2016, 06:59:32 AM »

Quote from: imaginary friend on October 11, 2012, 12:55:25 PM

No no no! This is epic....

News:

Author Topic: those billboards in front of churches... (Read 10785 times)