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Author Topic: Self Exclusion: Adventures in Reclusiveness  (Read 1262 times)

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Self Exclusion: Adventures in Reclusiveness
« on: February 03, 2014, 10:55:53 PM »

Since I was around seven when matters happened to me that are not under the same topic as this post I have been reclusive and deathly shy to the point where if I was forced to try to talk to other children I would burst into tears. I have pondered my whole life, seen professionals against the will of my own, and spiraled down a fairly unpleasant path that again is unsuitable for this thread, all in what I have come to blame as my unwillingness and fear to talk to people in the pessimistic expectation of rejection. I am on this site because Amanda made me feel like I wasn't lonely because at the age of fourteen I started falling to sleep with "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" running through my headphones. I felt that way because I saw someone who related to me and cared enough to share that with the world unlike all the insincerity I've heard in music since I was born, and I come here because I wish I could do the same and this to me is a first step. But, I also wanted to share to others what I have come to realize in myself and hopefully even learn more about from anyone willing to reply. Not everything that goes wrong is my fault. Not everyone that dislikes me is because of me. Now, I will admit there are people who I have wronged in my times of confusion that do deserve to hate me, but I wish someone could have told me that growing up. Society and the way we see ourselves and the people around us has been morphed and distorted by expectations, and the hate reflected upon you is not always a reflection of you. Admit when you are wrong, care for other people, and once you have reached that point then you can rest assured knowing that there is no good reason why the hate reflected upon you is a reflection of you. I admit, I am still reclusive and afraid of approaching people because that is how I have lived my entire life, but if you approach me I will welcome you with open arms and I want to try as hard as possible to help anyone in a position anywhere near where I found myself. Thank you for reading, if you got this far to read the whole thing, and consider this my introduction.

With Radar love,
With radar love,
Aaron A.


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Re: Self Exclusion: Adventures in Reclusiveness
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2014, 02:16:43 AM »


Growing up, I thought being human had to be the hardest thing in the world, because understanding oneself is hard enough.  The idea that you had to understand everyone in a basic way was hard concept. Through music, I found something I understood and others did too. it is magic to me.
I had to google pegging.

"I'm generally confused - I can't hear you over my obnoxious wealth"

Indja Points:40
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