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Author Topic: Moving out for the first time ever  (Read 2939 times)

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l i s a

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Moving out for the first time ever
« on: November 08, 2013, 12:44:41 AM »

Hi so for about a year or so i've been thinking about moving out, not only because the town i currently live in totally sucks, but because i'm living with my Mum and my sister right now and they are very anti-everything-i-stand-for-and-wear-and-say-and-decide-to-not-eat-andwhatever-i-do and very hey-let's-scream-in-her-face-until-she-cries-and-refuse-to-leave-her-alone-when-she-asks-me-to-leave-her-alone  and we just argue constantly and it gets really distressing and i spend 90% of my time at home while they're home in my room on my computer because i just can not be around them.
A few days ago a really cool girl that i've been following on tumblr (because we share the same opinions etc) posted that she and her girlfriend are looking for people to move in with them some time early to mid 2014. I told her that it'd be really cool and i'd love to but i'm scared and that i'd have to think about it for a little while first.
I'm mostly just afraid of money, i've grown up with my mum and my dad just going on and on and on about money and making money and having no money and arguing over money money money so i guess i've ben conditioned to have that same stress over money. I'd not be working as much because, hopefully, i'll be studying at university. I'll only get half of what i currently get from work (at least $450) a fortnight from the government ($260) (unless i claim that there's conflict in my household that makes it necessay for me to leave. which there is, there's been violence etc but i feel like i'm begging????i don't know????), which really freakin' scares me because right now i only pay my mum $75 board and i know that renting will be more expensive than that, plus bills, and the usual food and phone bills and car stuff.
But i really really want to do it, i feel so trapped here and i get so depressed because i feel like i have to deal with this shit for at least another 4 years. I'm meeting with two of the girls on Tuesday to get to know them a little more and to ask questions etc. If i can live in a house with a few other queer veg*an feminists then fuck yes please yes i need that because it'll help me grow as a person so much.  O0

SO the point of this was to ask you all if any of you have any advice for me at all, and also if you can all help me talk myself into it more and more because i keep going from yes to no to yes to yes to yes to no to yes to no to yes....

thank you!
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Astica

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2013, 01:17:28 AM »

Did Ms Tumblr tell you what the rent would be like? I'd say do it. We were always poor too, and I grew up around a lot of money stress etc, but if you can nail down exactly what rent+bills will come to fortnightly and that fits into your 260 with even a teeny amount of wiggle room, you should be fine. Especially if you're vegan and can feed yourself on next to nothing. Living off lentils and tinned tomatoes for four years sounds bad in theory but there are worse things out there, such as being miserable and having a poor relationship with your family because you don't all have enough breathing space. If you're not sure if you're ready, spare some thought to what kind of flatmate you want to be and whether you're ready to keep up with that etc, and definitely give some thought to what stuff you're taking/putting in storage at least two days before you move :P

It will have to happen sometime, and if you're going to be in the same financial position for the next four years and can't stay put all that time, you might as well do it now/in early mid 2014. Obviously the more you can save while you're still working, the better.
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lentower

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2013, 04:06:59 AM »

Lisa:

You're the only one who can make this decision.  But give it, at least a few days.

It's not begging, it's asking for what you need.

Roommates can go sour, which means finding new housing while in University.

Find some good books, or web resources, on finding good roommates, and living with them.
This will help you ask questions, and set boundaries.

Sharing space with roommates is alot like getting married. 
The equivalent of a pre-nupital contract avoids a lot of mis-understandings.

In this situation, you would be moving in with two women who already know one another. 
Might leave you the odd (wo)man out.

if you go the tomatoes and lentils route, have a good multi-vitamin daily. 
Some brown rice is a good idea too.

Astica mentions knowing what your income and expenses will be, i.e. budgeting.
In America, uni students are expected to pay for their textbooks, and other expenses beyond tuition.
I expect you're clear on what those will be, but double check with the resources from the universities you're considering.  (In America, the admission pages of university web sites discuss annual expenses.)

Feel free to ask me and us more questions.

best -len
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Astica

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2013, 04:22:23 AM »

Sharing space with roommates is alot like getting married. 
The equivalent of a pre-nupital contract avoids a lot of mis-understandings.
Oh hell yes. Make sure you're all on the same page about what you expect from each other and what kind of home environment you want to live in. I can say from experience that having to move while studying is a horrible experience. Stressful, financially crippling and time consuming, all of which makes it harder to study. I don't know how close you guys are via tumblr, but meet them several times first (once isn't enough to get the measure of each other) and while you may have a lot of opinions in common, ask about their hobbies and habits and what sort of stuff they do in real life. Don't do what I did and end up living with a bulimic neo-nazi because you were desperate to move and she seemed fine on the surface the first time you met.

Will it just be the three of you? As Len says, it might leave you the odd one out, but it also means that if they break up and one or both of them moves out you might end up with a substantial rent increase. Make sure you read the lease to see what the conditions are if someone bails, and make sure you all sign it so you're equally responsible for whatever happens.
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Quote from: Indja
I mean really, my sins are my own - i don't wnat some cunt to swoop in and wipe the slate clean. it is my fucking slate. fuck offf.

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Tricorns are fuckbanana awesome.

lentower

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2013, 10:39:28 PM »

...

Make sure you read the lease to see what the conditions are if someone bails,
and make sure you all sign it so you're equally responsible for whatever
happens.

Yes!  Find a book, and/or do the web searches about your legal
responsibilities as a tenant.
(I can recommend a really good book based on US Law,
but OZ law has to be different.)

Also a landlord's legal responsibilities.
Having a horrid landlord can also be a stressful, time-consuming process.
So do web searches on the landlord,
and if the landlord is using one, the property management company.

You might  want to make a visit a sleep-over.

As soon as you can, Facebook friend prospective roommates.

Definitely do the web searches on both roommates.
I have used paid web sites to do legal and credit checks on prospective roommates.

Also, if you stay at home, will the University you're going to,
let you stay on-campus a lot?
Study at the library, evening activities, clubs, ...
Does public transit, or how you'll get between home and Uni,
let you spend most of your waking hours on-campus?

(Sadly, homework does not stop after school.
Not as inevitable, as death and taxes.
But doing it minimizes the rude surprises life throws at you.)
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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2013, 07:52:22 PM »

I can't give you any advice on what you should do or shouldn't do. BUT If you meet them, be prepared...maybe make a list of things you want to ask them. e.g. What is their day like/sleep rhythm (Do they get up very early? Do they stay awake long and might keep you awake?) How do they handle other people (if you want to have someone over a lot for example) in the flat, food (shared?), cleaning (plan? are they similarly "clean" to you? Is there a washing machine?)... Are there pets? How about smoking? Playing instruments? etc.
Good luck!
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Astica

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2013, 11:58:49 PM »

This is a bit later in the process, but when it comes to signing for a house, check out the neighbours as well. We lived in a massive house with 7 musicians once, then someone with a baby moved in next door and started calling noise control every time someone practised, even if it was the middle of the day. If they had made an effort to check out the neighbourhood first, we could have avoided two unhappy households. I have also lived downstairs from an obnoxiously loud party flat, which I could have avoided by knocking on their door and introducing myself/asking a couple of questions about the area before committing to the place.
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Quote from: Indja
I mean really, my sins are my own - i don't wnat some cunt to swoop in and wipe the slate clean. it is my fucking slate. fuck offf.

Quote from: N.U.
Tricorns are fuckbanana awesome.

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2013, 04:48:13 AM »

This is a bit later in the process, but when it comes to signing for a house, check out the neighbours as well. We lived in a massive house with 7 musicians once, then someone with a baby moved in next door and started calling noise control every time someone practised, even if it was the middle of the day. If they had made an effort to check out the neighbourhood first, we could have avoided two unhappy households. I have also lived downstairs from an obnoxiously loud party flat, which I could have avoided by knocking on their door and introducing myself/asking a couple of questions about the area before committing to the place.

^^^This is damn good advice.
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spider jerusalem

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2013, 10:24:03 AM »

This is a bit later in the process, but when it comes to signing for a house, check out the neighbours as well. We lived in a massive house with 7 musicians once, then someone with a baby moved in next door and started calling noise control every time someone practised, even if it was the middle of the day. If they had made an effort to check out the neighbourhood first, we could have avoided two unhappy households. I have also lived downstairs from an obnoxiously loud party flat, which I could have avoided by knocking on their door and introducing myself/asking a couple of questions about the area before committing to the place.

This is a lovely advice, but unpractical here in Brazil. Most people won't answer the door to a completely strange and give details of their daily life or the life of the building - that provided you can join in the building without a scheduled visit with the broker. I've scheduled two visits for this week and lets see if I can manage talking with some neighbours. At least, I could avoid some traps like one really good apartment, but a few metres from a samba club.

Also, ask about the plumbing and electricity (building and apartment). You can avoid a lot of troubles knowing if these are up to date and functioning correctly. One leaking can be a hell. 

   
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l i s a

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2014, 07:30:14 AM »

i completely forgot about this thread until today, thanks everyone for all of the advice!!!

life update: the two girls i was moving with are assholes, i was the one they were using to try and find a place, no one was helping, i bailed, currently living in a lovely student apartment alone, nice and close to the melbourne CBD, cheap-ish rent (my nan owns this apartment), 5 minute walk from my university, not broke!! been here almost 4 months and loving it. glad i didn't move in with those people  O0
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spider jerusalem

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2014, 09:44:39 AM »

i completely forgot about this thread until today, thanks everyone for all of the advice!!!

life update: the two girls i was moving with are assholes, i was the one they were using to try and find a place, no one was helping, i bailed, currently living in a lovely student apartment alone, nice and close to the melbourne CBD, cheap-ish rent (my nan owns this apartment), 5 minute walk from my university, not broke!! been here almost 4 months and loving it. glad i didn't move in with those people  O0

Cool!! And I've moved too, and have been living on my own for  more or less the same time, but things haven't turned out that brilliant. But, meh! I can't complain much. But to be honest, I'm just thinking that I should have stick with a one bedroom apartment that I could pay without some support from my parents (I pay all the bills plus half and a bit of the rent. They split the rest of the rent with me). 

It is a nice neighbourhood, relatively close to job, and easy access to most parts of the city. Don't ask me about my neighbours: I don't know anybody, neither know their names.

Sorry about the hijack.
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Astica

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #11 on: May 06, 2014, 04:28:56 AM »

i completely forgot about this thread until today, thanks everyone for all of the advice!!!

life update: the two girls i was moving with are assholes, i was the one they were using to try and find a place, no one was helping, i bailed, currently living in a lovely student apartment alone, nice and close to the melbourne CBD, cheap-ish rent (my nan owns this apartment), 5 minute walk from my university, not broke!! been here almost 4 months and loving it. glad i didn't move in with those people  O0
Oh man, a solo apartment sounds like bliss. Awesome that you found out they were arseholes before you moved in with them!
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Quote from: Indja
I mean really, my sins are my own - i don't wnat some cunt to swoop in and wipe the slate clean. it is my fucking slate. fuck offf.

Quote from: N.U.
Tricorns are fuckbanana awesome.

N.U.

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Re: Moving out for the first time ever
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2014, 05:33:06 PM »

Living solo has its perks and drawbacks.

Perks:
1. Your house rules are YOUR house rules. Period.
2. The food you purchase is YOUR food. No Passive-aggressive labeling of food.

Drawbacks:
1. No safety net, either financially or medically. If you slip in the tub and crack your head open, nobody will come running. If you find yourself suddenly without employment, NO money will be coming into the household at all.
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