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Author Topic: The Writer's Thread  (Read 19187 times)

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Jono

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Re: The Writer's Thread
« Reply #135 on: January 01, 2011, 10:12:23 PM »

Quote
So here's the thing i wrote to laugh. Please excuse me Canadian people. It's not that i don't like the snow, but i live in a country where the weather very rarely goes subzero.



12th of august: Dear diary, i moved to my new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so beautiful here. The landscape of the mountains is so wonderful. I can't wait to see them when they're covered with snow.

14th of october: Canada is the most wonderful place of the world. Leaves turned to orange and red. I made a countryside trip riding a horse, and saw some Canadian deers. They were so beautiful. Probably the mostt beautiful creatures in the whole world. This must be heaven. I like it here a lot.

11th of novamber: The deer hunting season is starting. I can't understand how they can aim to kill such wonderful creatures. I hope it snows soon. I love here.

2nd of december: It snowed last night. I woke up in the midnight to see everywhere is covered with this beautiful white blanket. It's like a postcard. We went out and played snowball, then we had to clean the snow out of the garage and stairs. When the snow clearing machine has come we had to clean the snows out of the garage again. It's a nice place and i like it.

12th of december: It snowed more last night. We had to clean the snow out of the garage again. I like here.

19th of december: It snowed a lot more last night. I couldn't go out of the garage with my car. It's a beautiful country but i'm so tired of cleaning the snow. Damn snow cleaning machine!

22nd of december: It snowed a little more of this white shit last night. My hands got blistered because of shoveling the snow out. The silly snow cleaner machine man is watching me form the corner till i clean all the snow, then he drives the machine and it covers my garage again.

25th of december: It's fucking new years! It snowed again. If i catch that stupid snow cleaner man i swear i'll kill that son of bitch.I can't understand why they don't use more salt to melt the snow out of the highways.

27th of december: God damn snowed again last night. Because it's been 3 days since the snow cleaner machine last came here, i couldn't manage to clean the snow on my doorway and i am jailed into house. I can't go nowhere. The weather guy said it will snow 25 cms today. Do you know how many shovels does 25 cms take?

28th of december: Weather guy-the pudding head was wrong. It snowed 83 cms more. I guess it will never melt until the summer. The snow cleaning machine stucked into the snow and the jerky driver wanted to borrow my shovel. i said i have broken 6 shovels while i was cleaning the snow and would be happy to break the 7th one on his head.

4th of january: I finally could go out. Went to the market and bought something to eat. When i was driving back home, a goddamn deer jumped before my car. It will cost 3000 dolars to get my car repaired. I think it's necessary to kill all of this damn animals. These bloody animals are everywhere. I hope the hunters clean them all.

3rd of may: I took the car to a repairman in the town. The vehicle body has become rusty beceause of the damn salt they poored to melt the snow.

10th of may: I turned back to my country for good and moved to the coast side. Fuck the cold and snow and deers!

I love this! Its so so funny!
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Quote from: lucyanna
*whispers to jono* this must seem very odd to you - none of this is reeeaallllllll - we're in candy mountain!

Indja

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Re: The Writer's Thread
« Reply #136 on: January 02, 2011, 04:12:22 PM »

I wrote a thing, so here it is :)

The problem with writing is the words; the rest is a piece of piss, a pen, some paper, plots and plans all slip straight into place, but the words? Our grasp on the mother tongue is tenuous at best, it slides and writhes beneath our grip as we wrestle it to the ground in a horrific act of matricide until we step back panting and steeped in blood only to find that the awful sight before us - legs bent the wrong way, eyes lolling in a broken skull - is nothing at all how we imagined it. In black and white she looks so small, so lost, so consumingly silent. The totem of our youth reduced to spit and stammer and shame. We take a shuddering breath, repulsed entirely, and then we do it over again. And again. And every sentence is the most unbearable crime against our god, our rock, our holy mother. And we do it again. Doomed to the loop like Prometheus but it's our eyes that are gouged out every dawn. We're forced to see life in full colour, to feel and breathe and revel in our being, and to want, to need to check the rest of the world feels it too; and when we come to realise we can't, when we know the truth of our prison and taste the code that clogs our tongues and ears and makes us mute as well as deaf; when we understand our eternal condition, then we do the only thing we can. And then we do it again. And again. And again.
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CeeGBee

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Re: The Writer's Thread
« Reply #137 on: January 02, 2011, 08:40:03 PM »

^  TL DR....  JK   ;D
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Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

Indja

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Re: The Writer's Thread
« Reply #138 on: January 02, 2011, 08:46:13 PM »

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