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[Indja]

Dear Cee,

Hmmfft. That might be the stoopid YANKEE way of using the word, but here in ENGLAND where we use the QUEEN'S ENGLISH as it SHOULD be spoken (in capital letters, apparently...), it's perfectly acceptable to call a southerner a yankee. So n'ya.

H xxx

[SomewhatDamaged]

Dear Whatty,

I'm gonna kick your poncy Southern face in.

H xxx

Typical bloody northerner, can't respond with any kind of rational thought or word so resorts to violence, sad really.

Dear Miz Indja,
I believe, and I could be wrong here, but I don't think so, that Mr. Whattey
is actually one of the "gritty working-class" Southerners, and as such may
detest the poncy types even more than you...

Yours,
C.

I do believe if I was in your country I would be classed as poor white trash & yes I hate poncy people. So I make you right Mr Cee.

[CeeGBee]

My Dear Mister Whattey,
One may be poor and white, yet not stoop to the level of white trash.
Might it be safe to assume that even if you had the space, you would
not plant flowers in a discarded tire tyre on your lawn?  Likewise,
you don't blame whatever difficulties you may encounter on "them", meaning
anyone of different ethnic or social background, do you?

As I suspected, poor perhaps, white, yup, trash... not so much.

Most Respectfully Yours,
C.

[Darkness]

Dear Kirsten Stewart,

You are a swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. You are a canker. A sore that won’t go away. You’re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world.
An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth

On a good day you’re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid.
You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year.

Plus, your acting is REALLY bad.

Write back soon,
Love Chris. <3

[SomewhatDamaged]

My Dear Mister Whattey,
One may be poor and white, yet not stoop to the level of white trash.
Might it be safe to assume that even if you had the space, you would
not plant flowers in a discarded tire tyre on your lawn?  Likewise,
you don't blame whatever difficulties you may encounter on "them", meaning
anyone of different ethnic or social background, do you?

As I suspected, poor perhaps, white, yup, trash... not so much.

Most Respectfully Yours,
C.

Planting flowers in a discarded tyre is something I aspire to. I lack the tyre, the flowers & the garden at the moment. No I do not blame "them" I am not a bigot, I blame "all" 

[Indja]

Dear Mr Whatty,

Harrumph, sir. HARRUMPH, I say! We have been over and over and over this - I am NOT a Midlander. Northern is a state of mind as much as anything else - combine this with the fact I watch North West Tonight and played for the North West rugby team, frankly your LIES AND SLANDER can bloody well choke you.

HARRUMPH.

H xxx


Dear Darkness,

Dude.... but she's hawt!

H xxx

[Half Mar]

Dear ___,

I'm so sorry. I hope you do feel somewhat better now.
You are awesome, and I care about you. Quite a lot. So look after yourself.

Love,
Mar



Dear self,

What in heavens name was that?!?! You should be ashamed of that. Or yes, let the little voices inside your head say "LALALALA" really loud.
But seriously, WTF?

-Mar

[Darkness]

Dear Harrison Ford,

I thank you dearly for the movies you have graced your presence with.

Your skills are legendary and indeed your acting career was the only one to survive the 'Star Wars' series.

Just please, please... STOP acting. Go to a computer and Google 'retirement'. May save you from cardiac arrest.

Yours faithfully,

Chris.

[CeeGBee]

Dear Darkness,
In case you'd missed the news, Mr. Ford is marrying a woman roughly
half his age.  If I were to guess, I'd say cardiac arrest doesn't seem
to concern him all that much.

A fellow fan,
C.

[Darkness]

Dear C,

It'll hit him soon, if he keeps trying Indiana Jones-like movies.

Regards,
Darkness

[FrailAndBedazzled]

Dear Darkness-
While I will admit that most of his recent movies were fucking abominable, Harrison Ford is still hot.  Han Solo does what Han Solo wants, ya feel me?
-Kevin

[buttercup.]

Dearrrr bathroom,
Get closer.
Love, Me

[Darkness]

Dear MalibuRadberry and C,

I got no grudge against Han Solo, or Harrison Ford for that matter. I just am against his acting at however old he is now, because he's simply not good anymore.

Yours respectfully,
Darkness


Dear the 'box as a whole,

I would just like to clarify, I do not hold a grudge against Kirsten Stewart. I do not wish she was dead. I just intensely dislike her acting and express  it in the most superfluous and extravagant manner possible.
I mean come on, her acting is TERRIBLE.

Yours respectfully,

Darkness

[buttercup.]

Dear Darkness,
I did not post about H.F..
I posted about urination.
Love, MalibuRadberry

[Goodbye-Umbrella]

Dear Darkness-
While I will admit that most of his recent movies were fucking abominable, Harrison Ford is still hot.  Han Solo does what Han Solo wants, ya feel me?
-Kevin

amen.