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Author Topic: the suicide thread  (Read 64230 times)

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Alyss

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #105 on: March 02, 2009, 05:20:04 PM »

I think it's a result of hardening up. My emotions were a lot more out there when I was younger. These days I feel very much that I am alone, from everyone.
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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #106 on: March 02, 2009, 06:46:32 PM »

It's not that linear. Trust me. You'll harden and soften a dozen times before you realize it's all phases.

And I believe the bit about laughing at girls you made cry is posturing and completely untrue. If it is true, it's certainly not at the tail end of hardening. It's at the head end of what will hopefully be the process of maturation.
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Musings

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #107 on: March 02, 2009, 07:20:02 PM »

Compassion and empathy are things I often have difficulty with. And have yet to find an excuse for the unpleasant parts of me, which makes it all the worst.

I think you have more compassion and empathy than you say you do.

A person without compassion and empathy would not feel upset when banned from a forum for a short while, or when disliked by some of its members, or when friends from another forum are abused.  You protest too much, and argue too much in favor of others who also have unique opinions, to be a total psychopath.  You connect to others who are isolated and although you attempt to isolate yourself, you also have this desperate need for attention and response.

You like to appear different to gain a certain reaction.  In some ways you are, but in not as many as you would have people believe, and certainly not on the emotional level.  Maybe intellectual opinionswise.

This post might irk you, sorry.
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Rob

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #108 on: March 02, 2009, 07:48:35 PM »

Ahhh...he doesn't care...
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Bubblegum Britt

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #109 on: March 02, 2009, 08:16:54 PM »

Apparently, I'm cute when I cry? Generally I just feel like a sobbing mess.
I think girls are cute when they cry. Makes me want to hug them and help them. Unless I'm the one that made them cry, in which case I laugh and see it as a victory.

I have a feeling you wouldn't do that. You would like to, but when the time comes, you wouldn't. If you made Elaine cry, would you laugh at her? Indja? Me? I don't think so.
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Alyss

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #110 on: March 02, 2009, 08:53:59 PM »

Compassion and empathy are things I often have difficulty with. And have yet to find an excuse for the unpleasant parts of me, which makes it all the worst.

I think you have more compassion and empathy than you say you do.

A person without compassion and empathy would not feel upset when banned from a forum for a short while, or when disliked by some of its members, or when friends from another forum are abused.  You protest too much, and argue too much in favor of others who also have unique opinions, to be a total psychopath.  You connect to others who are isolated and although you attempt to isolate yourself, you also have this desperate need for attention and response.

You like to appear different to gain a certain reaction.  In some ways you are, but in not as many as you would have people believe, and certainly not on the emotional level.  Maybe intellectual opinionswise.

This post might irk you, sorry.
I never said I was a psychopath, and don't believe myself to be. I just often have difficulty caring about other people. If I didn't have any empathy, I'd have a problem writing script. And yes, I do like to consider myself different - doesn't everybody? I'm still well aware that I'm not ("You are not a unique snowflake!"). But at the same time, I do feel very different a lot of the time, and very alone. I've never had a proper connection with anyone; that 'we're all toggether and bonding' thing. I always feel like I'm separate from other people. Though my housemate made the good point yesterday that maybe that connection simply doesn't exist, and I'm looking for something that no-one has.

And I'm not trying to appear like this deeply unhappy, misunderstood guy; I'm pretty regular, just pessimistic, misanthropic, cynical and inverted. Not to extremes. I'm sure most people are like this. I mean....argh, I have no idea what I mean. I'm not special. I just don't really like this place; the world, I mean. Like my Mum says, "You expect too much from reality."

Apparently, I'm cute when I cry? Generally I just feel like a sobbing mess.
I think girls are cute when they cry. Makes me want to hug them and help them. Unless I'm the one that made them cry, in which case I laugh and see it as a victory.

I have a feeling you wouldn't do that. You would like to, but when the time comes, you wouldn't. If you made Elaine cry, would you laugh at her? Indja? Me? I don't think so.
I don't think I made myself clear; I meant that, if I was angry with someone, and wanted to hurt them, and they started crying, I'd take pleasure in their unhappiness, and have done in the past. If I upset people accidentally I feel guilty for doing so.
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scary girl

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #111 on: March 03, 2009, 12:04:35 AM »

The honest fact of the matter is dear, you feel like a burden now, but if you killed yourself, they'd all feel like it was their fault. You'd really hurt them more in doing so than anything you could do now. And if they don't think so, them fuck then, you don't need them. Seriously. I've seen entire families institutionalized over a family member's suicide.

My Freshmen year in high school my friend Rachel was dating a guy we'd known for years named Ben. Ben's parents had joint custody of him, and on weekends he was forced to go to his father's, despite his father being an arrogant, hateful bastard who mentally abused the shit out of him. Ben's step dad was my Sister and my good friends Alex and Chris' dad, and was (obviously) married to his mom. One Sunday in 2000 his mom called to let him know that she was coming to pick him up from his asshole Dad's house, and his father made some shitty comment about what a worthless piece of shit he was, and he went to his bedroom and blew his head off.

His Father didn't give a shit. Walked up to Rachel at the funeral and said "Hope the fucker's happy, he took 23 hours to clean up."

She wound up in a mental institute and or therapy for nearly 2 years.
His Mother, step father, and both of his step brothers were institutionalized and then required by law to attend therapy.
Chris dropped out of school after being harassed about it, and eventually joined the Navy, and Alex moved to Tibet to study as a monk, eventually forgot the English language, and now, oddly enough lives in Canada and is re-learning it.

Suicide is irrational. Often selfish. I understand, I really understand. But please please please be rational. Weigh the pro's and cons.

You die.
You never find out what might've happened.
You emotionally scar everyone who loved you FOREVER.
You take away a life. A healthy, meaningful life, when there are millions of people clinging to theirs whose bodies are being eaten away by cancers and incurable diseases, and they're not giving up.
It really can always be worse. I had a hard time realizing this. especially when I was spending last winter with no heat, and too broke to buy substantial food. Watching my 72 year old father who just finally got to retire, spend his entire retirement check, then have to overdraw his bank account every month, just to keep a roof over my head and food in my hideous little stomach. But you know what? While I was bitching about my shitty life and living off of Ramen noodle soup, entire families were freezing to death on the streets of New York City, just across the river here, because all of the shelters were full and they had nowhere to sleep.

Made me put things into perspective.


Wow, wow and wow.
I needed that, thanks :)

You are very right, it could be worse. Hurts a lot right now but at least I can bathe, feed and dress myself. I can eat and drink. I have days where I'm okay. I have a family that has done so much for me. I'm just scared about what the future holds, is all.

One of my mum's work friends had a son and daughter who were living with a degenerative disease. Anyway, the son was starting to need more and more help with everyday tasks. He was getting sicker and sicker. One day he had enough and took his own life. His mother went back to work three weeks later, and mum told me that she was pretty much catatonic. She was not only grieving for her son, but afraid for her daughter.

Prolly should write this down and keep it somewhere to remind me of things.
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Indja

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #112 on: March 03, 2009, 11:42:24 AM »

Fergus, you can make me cry if you like. Then I can tell myself I'm a better person than you because I look cooler and have better hair, and we'll both be able to feed our pain bodies guilt free!
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Alyss

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #113 on: March 04, 2009, 12:42:28 AM »

I don't want to make you cry, unless you do something to piss me off. Like...be stupid.
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Tomatoes and Radiowire

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #114 on: March 04, 2009, 12:47:04 AM »

I don't want to make you cry, unless you do something to piss me off. Like...be stupid.

FUCK
I'd better be careful

Alyss

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #115 on: March 04, 2009, 09:48:51 AM »

Most people are stupid. Prepare to weep, bitch.
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Rini Martini

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #116 on: March 11, 2009, 04:05:08 PM »

The honest fact of the matter is dear, you feel like a burden now, but if you killed yourself, they'd all feel like it was their fault. You'd really hurt them more in doing so than anything you could do now. And if they don't think so, them fuck then, you don't need them. Seriously. I've seen entire families institutionalized over a family member's suicide.

My Freshmen year in high school my friend Rachel was dating a guy we'd known for years named Ben. Ben's parents had joint custody of him, and on weekends he was forced to go to his father's, despite his father being an arrogant, hateful bastard who mentally abused the shit out of him. Ben's step dad was my Sister and my good friends Alex and Chris' dad, and was (obviously) married to his mom. One Sunday in 2000 his mom called to let him know that she was coming to pick him up from his asshole Dad's house, and his father made some shitty comment about what a worthless piece of shit he was, and he went to his bedroom and blew his head off.

His Father didn't give a shit. Walked up to Rachel at the funeral and said "Hope the fucker's happy, he took 23 hours to clean up."

She wound up in a mental institute and or therapy for nearly 2 years.
His Mother, step father, and both of his step brothers were institutionalized and then required by law to attend therapy.
Chris dropped out of school after being harassed about it, and eventually joined the Navy, and Alex moved to Tibet to study as a monk, eventually forgot the English language, and now, oddly enough lives in Canada and is re-learning it.

Suicide is irrational. Often selfish. I understand, I really understand. But please please please be rational. Weigh the pro's and cons.

You die.
You never find out what might've happened.
You emotionally scar everyone who loved you FOREVER.
You take away a life. A healthy, meaningful life, when there are millions of people clinging to theirs whose bodies are being eaten away by cancers and incurable diseases, and they're not giving up.
It really can always be worse. I had a hard time realizing this. especially when I was spending last winter with no heat, and too broke to buy substantial food. Watching my 72 year old father who just finally got to retire, spend his entire retirement check, then have to overdraw his bank account every month, just to keep a roof over my head and food in my hideous little stomach. But you know what? While I was bitching about my shitty life and living off of Ramen noodle soup, entire families were freezing to death on the streets of New York City, just across the river here, because all of the shelters were full and they had nowhere to sleep.

Made me put things into perspective.


Wow, wow and wow.
I needed that, thanks :)


I needed that too. God that's a crazy story... Really helps to put things into perspective, thank you.
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Haushinka

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #117 on: March 11, 2009, 07:42:50 PM »

Most people are stupid.

Does that include you?
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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #118 on: March 11, 2009, 10:34:45 PM »

That prompts the question: would he know?
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CeeGBee

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Re: the suicide thread
« Reply #119 on: March 11, 2009, 11:42:26 PM »

Most people are stupid.
Does that include you?
Ms. Shinka,  we're all stupid...  Each in our own way.  It's part of what makes us interesting.
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