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[Andy Pants]

So it's common knowledge that there are a lot of LGBT people that post on the Shadowbox and in the Dresden Dolls / Amanda Palmer fan community. But although its talked about allot I couldn't find any threads specifically devoted to this subject that discussed any of the things I wanted to know about.

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other? Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive? When did you first know you were gay? Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out? Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out? Are you not gay but have had 'gay experiences'? (details)  What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes? How much does it define your personality?  Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'? Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why? Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?

[Niels]

let's see...

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I consider myself gay, BUT I refuse to let this define me.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
Like it's always the case with labels, I think it's a very useful way to describe something. Simply saying "I'm gay" can be a lot easier than having to describe your entire situation. But like I said before, it can become a problem when people let these labels define them. I say I'm gay, but if I'd ever fall in love with a girl, I wouldn't try to fight it because I'm supposed to be gay. That's never happened though, so I guess I'm gay then.

It also annoys me when people answer "I don't believe in gay or straight. I refuse to let labels define me." They obviously don't understand how it works. I'm not attracted to men because I say I'm gay, I say I'm gay because I'm attracted to men.
It's like a supermarket... it's not because you put a label on a can that says "beans" that there's automatically beans in them. You see what's in the can, go "hm, looks like beans" and then put a label on them that says "beans".
Ok, that was a weird comparison.

When did you first know you were gay?
Don't remember, before I even knew what the word meant.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
Out to most people, but it hasn't come up with everyone yet.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
Everyone was positive, nothing really changed for me. The only thing that changed was that my mother decided that she had to teach me how to clean and cook because I'd never have a wife to do that stuff for me (yes, I know...).

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? and How much does it define your personality? 
It doesn't mean that much to me... the only thing it means is that I'm attracted to men. Apart from that it has no meaning so it's not like it's such a huge part of my personality. It's a part of me, but not everything.
Also, I really hate rainbows.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
I used to try to avoid the stereotypes, because they can sometimes annoy me. I wanted to prove to people that the stereotypes are all false. But then I realised that by doing that I was hiding a part of who I really am, so now I just embrace all of that, even the REALLY stereotypically gay parts. I LOVE KYLIE MINOGUE goddammit!

Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
For me this isn't really a factor for wether or not I like an artist. If I like the music I'll listen to it, if I don't like it, I won't. A couple of factors can influence this, however. If an artist is homophobic, of course I won't like listening to them. On the other hand if the lyrics are about gay love, it can make it easier to relate to than to songs about 'opposite love'. This is even more important for media (like films & tv) where a gay storyline can be easier to relate to.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
Ehhh... no, not that I can think of.

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
I'm very happy to say I haven't.



wow, this turned into a very long post.

[nottheonethatscrazy]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I'm a lesbian.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
I think they're useful. I don't know how they could be oppressive.

When did you first know you were gay?
Well, when I decided that I was gay only about 3 weeks ago. However, I've been attracted to girls for years. Since I was little.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
Out to everyone but my family.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
Nothing really happened. But, like I said, I haven't told my family yet.

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it?  and How much does it define your personality? 
I think it is just a part of me. It doesn't really define me, but it is a part of who I am.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
I don't think about them. I'm just me.


Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
I don't actively look for gay bands. I just listen to what I like.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
Nope. Not really.


Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Yeah. But it's pretty minor. Just people saying a few mean things to my girlfriend and I.

[Captain Oblivious]

Ok, I am straight so most of this doesn't apply to me (although I wouldn't say no to the right girl)
Anyway! I just wanted to come on here to sort of tell a little story and let out some frustration.

Firstly, it's kinda relevant that three of my best friends are gay.

So.
I was in a Social Studies class the other day and we just got to talking about homosexuality in terms of discrimination. And the teacher asked us what we thought about the whole idea of homosexuality. But before we got a word in, she started saying a lot of stuff about how she thinks it is "just wrong" and it obviously disgusted her a bit. And then after all that, she was going to say some more, but then she looked at the class and we were all staring at her with "wtf" faces. So, she just stopped talking.

But it really made me sick how ignorant she was about the whole thing. I mean, she's supposed to be a Social Studies teacher, but she is so completely ignorant about everything that people "shouldn't do" or be. She's completely ridiculous, I want to slap her a lot and I am not a violent person.

[/rant]

[old news]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I'm T and fairly certain I'm B too. Problem is, the T doesn't really go with the others in terms of this survey, and up until recently, I didn't know my sexuality at all: the T has affected my life a HUGE amount more. Which makes me answering this survey a little...tricky.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
Answering for LGB, I think they are useful in the sense that they provide signposts. When I was freaking out over my sexuality a month or so ago, these terms were useful to try and orientate myself. I didn't want to let them define me though.

When did you first know you were gay?
Well, I don't think I am gay...however, as for when I knew I was bi...well, I don't fully know for certain yet, but it seems pretty likely. I'm attracted to both, however I tend to imagine a future with a guy, which leans me more towards the straight side of bi. As for when I realised this...a month ago, thereabouts. I first crushed on a guy back in February though, after spending most of my life without a sexuality. As for when I knew I was trans...I've always known.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
Well, since the T dwarves the B so utterly, I've not had any real concern about being in the cloest for that. I'm pretty open about it. As for T, pretty much everyone I know knows, especially since they've known me for a while. I tended to tell people one-on-one, since it was hard doing it any other way, and in most cases they didn't seem that surprised, although my mother didn't accept it at all (and only has when I visited at Easter). I just wanted people to know who I was. Weirdly, being bi, or the liking men part of it, is something a lot of people have expected of me, or assumed of me, despite having a long-term relationship with a girl. So coming out there hasn't even been necessary.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
Ooops, I already answered this one mostly. But when I came out as T, it didn't really change much. It just meant I didn't have to pretend, which I was never very good at. Huge changes have taken place in my life since I actually took significant steps in that direction, though. Including finding out I'm bi.

(After this, I can't really answer the questions, because they don't really apply)

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Well, not for my sexuality. However, I certainly have for being trans. I got used to being laughed at, and I had some pretty bad months in 2004 when some guys at sixth form decided to make me a target because of it.

[dangerpants]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I'm bisexual.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
I think it's difficult to avoid categories. Saying "gay" as a category is simply organization. It's when you add bad emotions or prejudice that you make the categories oppressive.

When did you first know you were gay?
I thought I was fucked up when I realized I wasn't just attracted to boys like I was "supposed" to be, when I was in 8th grade. My first crushes were girls (and I didn't start crushing on guys until like, 6th grade), but I didn't realize that's what they were.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
Out to everyone else, in to my family... But I figure they know anyway, it's just never come up. My mother was pretty cruel to me for a while with hinting and such, but I think she's over it now.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
People don't react badly. I have a hard time with a small portion of the gay community because some of them think I'm a liar or a fake (and as such I was poking fun at their trials and tribulations), but nothing from anyone else. Oh, and some hardcore christians tell me I'm going to burn, but that's pretty normal, innit?

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it?  and How much does it define your personality? 
It's just who I am. I can't wear it, I wouldn't know how to... It really doesn't make me any different than if I were straight.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
Are there bisexual stereotypes?


Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
If I found some I liked, no prob. I like a lot of gay musicians. I loooove movies like Kinky Boots, but I think that's just because I always feel out of place, and like I'm in the same boat.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
I don't think so... I mostly look up to my friends, so I suppose so. Why? Various reasons... Like maybe they have an effortless cool.


Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Nothing so serious as to cause me harm or even remember it. I have encountered many people who are very against homosexuality and transexuality and the like, but they've never hurt anyone or made fun of anyone specifically over it.

[Strange_Jane]

I consider myself bi, my dad knew when I was in high school. My mom and I discussed it after last years true color's concert. Most of my friends and family are aware. My mom asks me why I'd choose this and and the prejudice that comes along with it, which I responded with " Mom I have been defending who I am most of my life, I am pagan and in Texas!" It helps that my cousin is a lesbian so i've always had someone on my side, closest thing to having a real sibling as my brother has rarely been in the picture. Nothing has really changed for me, I didn't really date either guys or girls before I came out. I havent really encountered much predjudice but I don't talk about it at work or anything really...I make sideways comments like " oh, she's hot..." or whatever. I still to this day wear my erase hate bracelet I got from the true colors tour and it was the first time I saw and met the Dresden Dolls live. As to media, I am drawn to what I like.

[CaffeinatedCassadie]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I am a lesbian

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
I don't think it is opressive, but it can be if you let it, as with anything.

When did you first know you were gay?
Don't remember, before I even knew what the word meant. (Stolen from Niels)

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
If someone asks me, I don't lie about it, but I also don't go around shoulting "I AM A LESBIAN HEAR ME ROARR!"

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
Nothing changed, my mom had assumed I was gay since I was in about 5th grade. When people at school really started to find out, I actually became a little less ignored.

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? and How much does it define your personality?
Uh it means I love having relationships with people of the same sex as me, I don't let it define me.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
I do try to avoid stereotypes of all types, but if I fall into one I don't try to hide it. Rainbows and glitter make me happy

Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
Hmm I listen to any music I like, regardless of the artist, but pretty much the only television I watch is LOGO because I can actually relate.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
Not that I can think of.

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Yes... My 73 year old algebra teacher is a catholic republican and talks about politics non stop. So one day someone asked me how my girlfriend was right in front of him on purpose. He started saying very quietly to me with a disgusted look on his face that being gay is like being an alcoholic, it is a problem that can be fixed if I want it to.
I left that class.

[HornyHeather]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
Im gay (i hate the word 'lesbian' - i dont know why)

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
I guess as humans we like to categorise, so its useful in that sense, but i personally dont like the labels. I am who i am.

When did you first know you were gay?
I suspected back in primary school and as i got older i hated the fact that i might be gay. I didnt admit it to myself until i got to uni.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
No im very much out. Im a teacher too and it was a very difficult decision to be out at college (i dont go announcing it but if a student asks me im honest with them). My parents were very upset and angry but like everyone else, kinda suspected too.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
At first the biggest concern i had was 'what do i wear?' i was convinced i was supposed to dress a certain way! It took me ages to adjust to be comfortable with myself. Apart from that there wasn't much in terms of changes.

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? and How much does it define your personality?
Gay goes as far as my partner is female.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
I try to break every stereotype and last night i was slightly irritated that there were so many alternative people as opposed to the usual 'gay outfit'!

Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
Sadly, i'll take great interest in tv programmes with gay/bi female characters- although it could just be me having association with the characters. My band itself is a bit queercore - as an openly gay lead singer we get a lot of fans for that reason alone.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
Not really, i feel really pleased when someone i already look up to turns out to be LGB - i love the fact that Amanda is, because i like her and relate to her, but that doesnt form the basis of my respect...

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
When i was training to be a teacher, my 'mentor' in one of my teaching practice placements took a dislike to me because i was gay, and bullied me mercilessly. It got so bad she told a whole group of pupils i was gay and that she thought it was 'disgusting' - she was sacked shortly after that!

HHx

[nottheonethatscrazy]

I love gay religious documentaries.
This one looks pretty good so far.
There are parts one through 9 up.
"For The Bible Tells Me So"
Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04AVRslVRbY

[Pope Totalfrog]

I love gay religious documentaries.
This one looks pretty good so far.
There are parts one through 9 up.
"For The Bible Tells Me So"
Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04AVRslVRbY

That is a good one.

[nottheonethatscrazy]

I love gay religious documentaries.
This one looks pretty good so far.
There are parts one through 9 up.
"For The Bible Tells Me So"
Part 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04AVRslVRbY

That is a good one.

I laughed out loud when that woman got hit in the face with a pie in the very beginning.

[SeeAnne]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I am gay. But right now I am sad.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
They can be really annoying sometimes. You see I'm from Toronto and there's a gaybourhood here and a lot of the queer community are very...selective and I don't want to be part of that. I don't want to be associated with stuck up assholes. Also I attend an art school and my friend is also gay, and he sort of looks like me, so when people ask me why I don't wear make-up like he does (because apparently gay guys are supposed to wear make-up all of a sudden as though everyday were a drag show), it really pisses me off.

But I do find it useful sometimes. Like when girls are hitting on me I simply say "I'm gay." And I am the first gay person in my family. I do have a gay aunt. Although technically we're not related.

When did you first know you were gay?
I think I was 10 although I didn't come out til I was 14. My fucked up mother pressured me out of it actually. I didn't really sit down and tell her, she just kept bugging me about it.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
I am out of the closet.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
Well, my mother remained the same ignorant bitch. She still makes cruel jokes to this day how she'll grow up lonely and won't have any grandchildren to take of. And when I said that I could adopt she said that it isn't the same. My sister doesn't like kids. So......yeah. She thinks gays are unable to make children. I mean I have a penis and I can totally impregnante my lady friends if they ever need it. My cousins are happy about it because they have a few gay friends, so having one in the family is much better. I guess. I dunno. Nothing has really changed, actually. But I live with my mother so it's kind of depressing.

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? and How much does it define your personality?
I just adds to my personality.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
I can be versatile. I can fool a lot of people. If there's one thing I'm still a happy virgin, I am not a slut, and I don't shop often, I don't cook often, I don't clean often etc.

Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
No. I like whatever appeals to me.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
No.

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Yep. All the time.

-I was harassed a lot in elementary school. I self harmed for a number of years.
-I get death threats via YouTube comments, but this doesn't really bother me. I'm just shocked that someone would be dumb enough to do that.
-I used to go to church with my mother and one evening the church sent out mass postcards to the government to make same-sex marriages illegal. This was when our Prime Minister was going to pass the bill and churches all across Ontario went apeshit. As I was leaving a volumptuous woman shoved a card in my face with a smile. I politely refused and she gave me a really dirty look. I felt so disgusted to be in a room full of people who were smiling, hugging, and patting each other on the back as they encouraged each other to put an end to this "gayness" once and for all. What act of love is that? To ban 2 happy people from marrying each other? Lame. Even Jesus wouldn't go that low.
-I experience homophobia in the halls of my school daily. Teachers ignore it.

[Lyzardly]

So, are you gay? Are you LGBT, undecided or other?
I'm bi ... but prefer the term sapiosexual because the truth is, I am much more attracted to minds than bodies. Not to say that I don't love the flesh, because I do, but I don't have predilection for any type of body. I tend to find more female bodies attractive than male bodies, but nothing can compare to a challenging mind. And for the record, because it somehow seems related, I am monogamous, married to a man, but am still very much bi/sapiosexual.

Do you think these categories are useful or oppressive?
I consider them inadequate, which you probably guessed from my response ^ there.

When did you first know you were gay?
I realized I was different when I discovered that my friend girls didn't want to snuggle at sleepovers ... elementary school. I realized that was gay/bi around 6th grade.

Are you in or out of the closet? If it's the latter then how did you come out?
Out, but being married most family members prefer to believe it was a passing phase. I came out to my mom when she showed up at my house really early in the morning and my girlfriend came out of my bedroom with bed head. By came out I mean, she figured it out.

Also, how did people react and what changes took place in your life (if any) when you did come out?
My mom said she wanted me to be happy, but due to her religious beliefs did not think it would result in lasting happiness.

What does being gay mean to you? Do you 'wear' it? and How much does it define your personality?

I realized that I tend to think everyone is bi, until they prove otherwise. I tend to separate "what I do" from "who I am" so while I'm certain that it affects my personality and is visible in some way or another, I'm not sure I can isolate how it's visible or how it has impacted my personality.

Do you fall into, break or try to avoid gay stereotypes?
The fact that I am bi, monogamous, and married seems to surprise many people - LGBT or otherwise - so I suppose I do.

Do you associate yourself with gay music and media like 'queercore'?
I'm a big fan of folk music, and there are lots of lovely LGBT ladies that I listen to all the time. I tend to prefer to spend money on artists that have political agendas similar to mine and I find value in paying for the the media I consume (not judging anyone who choses otherwise, this is just my personal choice) Soooooo, most of the media I support comes from LGBT or LGBT friendly artists.

Do you have people you look up to in the LGBT community and if so, why?
I look up to people who are themselves, unapologetically. Again, most of these people tend to be LGBT/LGBT friendly. I really look up to ani difranco (cliche, I know) but she has inspired me since I was very young.

Have you ever encountered prejudice? If so, what kind?
Sadly, the most painful prejudice I have experienced has come from within the LGBT community. An ex-girlfriend told me she never would have dated me if she knew I was bi.

[buttercup.]

I'm straight.
I tried being bi-sexual at 14 because I was, and still am, attracted to women. But I'm actually deathly shy around most pretty girls, so I have no real experience dating/being sexually active with women. Men on the other hand, I'm very comfortable around. I'd rather feel comfort then nerves, so even if I'm bi-sexual (since there is no denying my attraction to men), there has only been one or two women I'd actually be able to date without puking. And even then, they make me terrible self aware. You can call this confusion, sure, but I don't feel very confused. I know how I am with the majority of both genders.

Most straight people assume I'm a lesbian anyway, so I'm not really avoiding being treated differently. I've had mothers grab their daughters by the collars and tell them to stop looking at me. You know, just in case they catch my cooties. It does bother me that people misinterpret my sexuality, but I know most straight women don't wear mohawks.
Lesbians on the other hand are very aware of my sexuality, it seems, from the encounters I've had. There will be thirty seconds of probing and suddenly a look dawns on their face and we become great friends, and never anything else.

I don't know if my point of view is important or not in this context, but there.