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Author Topic: Family & relationship advice needed!  (Read 6512 times)

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KtLee

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Family & relationship advice needed!
« on: October 17, 2009, 03:45:55 PM »

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caddy

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2009, 09:23:04 PM »

I think you know what to do.
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Rob

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2009, 12:12:42 AM »

Yeah...this isn't going to work.
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Andy Pants

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2009, 12:36:59 AM »

Here is my advice on family and relationships:

Keep them as far apart as possible.

I'm pretty certain you don't want your family to try and involve themselves in your romantic life. You should pay them the same courtesy.

You don't like what your cousin is doing? That's good for you, but really, who gives a FUCK what you think? It's not your place and even if you say something the only thing you'd succeed in doing is harming/alienating a family member and making yourself look like a bitch, which you would be, because it's not your fucking place.

If this girl is determined to marry this guy nothing you can do or say is going to stop her or even make her reconsider. If you do say something you're only asking for a lot of resentment and spite to get thrown your way until the relationship ends. Only then will she be able to reassess and determine whether it may have in fact been premature. The expression 'love is blind' has nothing to do with physical appearance.

Friends are for giving and receiving relationship advice, because they are disposable. Family members should stay the fuck away from this kind of thing because they're meant to be around forever. What if this does work out? Have you considered that possibility? What if twenty years from now she's still with this guy? Can you afford to have a ruined relationship with a family member for that length of time? Don't be stupid. Don't get involved.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? Your family members sex-life / love-life is none of your fucking business.
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CeeGBee

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2009, 01:56:12 AM »

This is why people think ALL 16-year-olds are stupid....

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The Angel Raliel

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2009, 03:25:57 AM »

quick question.... why is this guy having such a profound affect on her? were there problems at school/home to start with?
best thing to do is have a lo0ng conversation with her about how dropping out of everything to be with a guy is areally bad move as sooner or later she will resent him for not allowing her to have an indipendant life....suggest that she move in with him by all means, but not drop out of school or marry him just yet.....but talk to her as a friend not as someone whois telling her that she is wrong.....
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KtLee

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2009, 06:53:57 AM »

Yeah...this isn't going to work.

That's what I thought at first
but then when this whole dropping out of school thing happened
it took everything onto a whole new level.

Here is my advice on family and relationships:

Keep them as far apart as possible.

I'm pretty certain you don't want your family to try and involve themselves in your romantic life. You should pay them the same courtesy.

You don't like what your cousin is doing? That's good for you, but really, who gives a FUCK what you think? It's not your place and even if you say something the only thing you'd succeed in doing is harming/alienating a family member and making yourself look like a bitch, which you would be, because it's not your fucking place.

If this girl is determined to marry this guy nothing you can do or say is going to stop her or even make her reconsider. If you do say something you're only asking for a lot of resentment and spite to get thrown your way until the relationship ends. Only then will she be able to reassess and determine whether it may have in fact been premature. The expression 'love is blind' has nothing to do with physical appearance.

Friends are for giving and receiving relationship advice, because they are disposable. Family members should stay the fuck away from this kind of thing because they're meant to be around forever. What if this does work out? Have you considered that possibility? What if twenty years from now she's still with this guy? Can you afford to have a ruined relationship with a family member for that length of time? Don't be stupid. Don't get involved.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? Your family members sex-life / love-life is none of your fucking business.

You're being quite harsh.
You are right in that her love life is none of my 'fucking' business
but she is 16 years old and completely changing the course of her life
from what she wanted to do, which was to become a lawyer
(and I think she really could have done it)
to nothing. 
To living in a little house with him and his parents
and probably breaking up with him and having nothing. 

quick question.... why is this guy having such a profound affect on her? were there problems at school/home to start with?
best thing to do is have a lo0ng conversation with her about how dropping out of everything to be with a guy is areally bad move as sooner or later she will resent him for not allowing her to have an indipendant life....suggest that she move in with him by all means, but not drop out of school or marry him just yet.....but talk to her as a friend not as someone whois telling her that she is wrong.....

You know what first relationships are like when you're a kid.
They're exciting and you want to do anything to please them.
I think I should talk to her, but I'm just afraid that she'll resent me like PunkRocker1989 said.   
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Rob

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2009, 01:05:40 PM »

Maybe it will...
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The Angel Raliel

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2009, 03:15:52 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?
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@raliel

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #9 on: October 19, 2009, 03:17:55 AM »

p.s. ignore punkrocker1989 as not well thought out strong opinions seem to be a speciality!
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Andy Pants

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #10 on: October 19, 2009, 03:54:11 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?

Hahahahaha, a few weeks, try a few years. How much experience have you actually had in situations like these? I am forceful because I can see someone about to make a huge fucking mistake and not one of you trying to stop them. I thought a board full of homosexuals would have a little bit of a better understanding of the concept that someone should never try and interfere in the love-life of a family member just because they dissaprove.

I do however suppourt the idea of encouraging her to stay in school. This is something you are allowed to give her advice on.
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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2009, 04:02:29 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?

Hahahahaha, a few weeks, try a few years. How much experience have you actually had in situations like these? I am forceful because I can see someone about to make a huge fucking mistake and not one of you trying to stop them. I thought a board full of homosexuals would have a little bit of a better understanding of the concept that someone should never try and interfere in the love-life of a family member just because they dissaprove.

I do however suppourt the idea of encouraging her to stay in school. This is something you are allowed to give her advice on.

'a board full of homosexuals.'  really?

also...'allowed'....lol.  you're forgetting that at sixteen, this cousin is still a minor, and therefore legally incapable of making the decisions she seems to be trying to make.  her family has every right, and indeed, responsibility, to head her off from making an even huger mistake than the one you're telling the poster she is fixing to make, and in fact, can force her to stay in school at least until they no longer have to care for her under their roof.  i very seriously doubt that at sixteen she can marry and move out without permission...at least in most states.  rofl 'allowed.'
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Andy Pants

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #12 on: October 19, 2009, 04:36:35 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?

Hahahahaha, a few weeks, try a few years. How much experience have you actually had in situations like these? I am forceful because I can see someone about to make a huge fucking mistake and not one of you trying to stop them. I thought a board full of homosexuals would have a little bit of a better understanding of the concept that someone should never try and interfere in the love-life of a family member just because they dissaprove.

I do however suppourt the idea of encouraging her to stay in school. This is something you are allowed to give her advice on.

'a board full of homosexuals.'  really?

also...'allowed'....lol.  you're forgetting that at sixteen, this cousin is still a minor, and therefore legally incapable of making the decisions she seems to be trying to make.  her family has every right, and indeed, responsibility, to head her off from making an even huger mistake than the one you're telling the poster she is fixing to make, and in fact, can force her to stay in school at least until they no longer have to care for her under their roof.  i very seriously doubt that at sixteen she can marry and move out without permission...at least in most states.  rofl 'allowed.'

What is you problem with that description? Is this not a board or forum where the number of homosexuals is larger than on other forums?

I don't know all the details of the situation but from what I read I got the impression that she was getting engaged to this guy, not marrying him, so your first point is redundant.

Secondly, I know that under Australian law a sixteen year-old is well within their rights to move out of home and it is very much not a legal right to force your children to continue to studying, whether they live with you or not. I don't know what the laws of your shitty country are.

Thirdly, yes, allowed. As in within acceptable social etiquette.

Did you have any legitimate arguments in your reply?

Additional...

And Ktlee, remeber this is just my advice, nobody is obligated to take it. I don't really care what you do, take a chace and possibly fuck up your relationship with this person if you want to. I'm more sympathetic to your cousin for having such a shitty family. Your supposed to suppourt your family members in their life-decisions, even if the decisions they make are retarded. That is the whole point of being a good family.

And an open question to the other posters on this forum. How does it feel to be so morally superior to everyone all the time? I bet it makes you all warm and smug inside. If only you could make everyones decisions for them! I bet the world would instantly become a better place.
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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #13 on: October 19, 2009, 04:57:39 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?

Hahahahaha, a few weeks, try a few years. How much experience have you actually had in situations like these? I am forceful because I can see someone about to make a huge fucking mistake and not one of you trying to stop them. I thought a board full of homosexuals would have a little bit of a better understanding of the concept that someone should never try and interfere in the love-life of a family member just because they dissaprove.

I do however suppourt the idea of encouraging her to stay in school. This is something you are allowed to give her advice on.

'a board full of homosexuals.'  really?

also...'allowed'....lol.  you're forgetting that at sixteen, this cousin is still a minor, and therefore legally incapable of making the decisions she seems to be trying to make.  her family has every right, and indeed, responsibility, to head her off from making an even huger mistake than the one you're telling the poster she is fixing to make, and in fact, can force her to stay in school at least until they no longer have to care for her under their roof.  i very seriously doubt that at sixteen she can marry and move out without permission...at least in most states.  rofl 'allowed.'

What is you problem with that description? Is this not a board or forum where the number of homosexuals is larger than on other forums?

I don't know all the details of the situation but from what I read I got the impression that she was getting engaged to this guy, not marrying him, so your first point is redundant.

Secondly, I know that under Australian law a sixteen year-old is well within their rights to move out of home and it is very much not a legal right to force your children to continue to studying, whether they live with you or not. I don't know what the laws of your shitty country are.

Thirdly, yes, allowed. As in within acceptable social etiquette.

Did you have any legitimate arguments in your reply?

all my arguments were legitimate; your attitude isn't.

it doesn't matter what this board is made of; if you're not one, your should guard your tone when mentioning them.  period.

engagement is a prelude to marriage in almost any society (check your first post in this thread; you say 'if this girl is determined to marry this guy, blah blah negative blah').  redundancy is in no way a part of my argument.  it's going to be a little harder for you to negate than that; sorry.  look up some new words.

of course i am speaking from the laws in my shitty country; that's where i live, and am familiar with the laws.  it doesn't make a shit to me what the laws are elsewhere, because i'm not invested in this situation, i am posting an opinion on a message board (and actually was under the impression the poster was american, mistakenly, or i wouldn't have mentioned the 'minor' laws).  so, okay, anyone who wants to in australia can fuck up their life over a dude, no problem.  the parents still have the option to a) cut her off, or b) stop paying for school, if they were, which it looks like she doesn't much give a damn about anyway.  or of course, c) slap her in the damn mouth and tell her to grow the hell up.  so they might have to put up with her having a temper tantrum about her lover; big deal.  it is only a temper tantrum; in the end, family is family, and it might take her getting older to realize this.

regardless, censuring a sixteen-year-old, and disapproving of her relationship is a lot different than telling an adult they can or can't do as they wish, i don't care what country it is in.  a child still requires different treatment than an adult, and it would be a lot easier to stop her foolishness now than to try to put her life back together after this guy lets her fuck it up over him.  you're talking like, at age sixteen, she has the actual ability and right to make life decisions with familial impunity, and it's just not so.


edited to answer your open question to the forum; it feels awesome.  maybe when you're an adult yourself, you will know how awesome it is to be so morally superior all the time.  hell, if you're american, you're born feeling that way; ask around.
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Andy Pants

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Re: Family & relationship advice needed!
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2009, 05:25:25 AM »

would you rather she dropped out and ended up a single mother with no prospects or resent you for a few weeks?

Hahahahaha, a few weeks, try a few years. How much experience have you actually had in situations like these? I am forceful because I can see someone about to make a huge fucking mistake and not one of you trying to stop them. I thought a board full of homosexuals would have a little bit of a better understanding of the concept that someone should never try and interfere in the love-life of a family member just because they dissaprove.

I do however suppourt the idea of encouraging her to stay in school. This is something you are allowed to give her advice on.

'a board full of homosexuals.'  really?

also...'allowed'....lol.  you're forgetting that at sixteen, this cousin is still a minor, and therefore legally incapable of making the decisions she seems to be trying to make.  her family has every right, and indeed, responsibility, to head her off from making an even huger mistake than the one you're telling the poster she is fixing to make, and in fact, can force her to stay in school at least until they no longer have to care for her under their roof.  i very seriously doubt that at sixteen she can marry and move out without permission...at least in most states.  rofl 'allowed.'

What is you problem with that description? Is this not a board or forum where the number of homosexuals is larger than on other forums?

I don't know all the details of the situation but from what I read I got the impression that she was getting engaged to this guy, not marrying him, so your first point is redundant.

Secondly, I know that under Australian law a sixteen year-old is well within their rights to move out of home and it is very much not a legal right to force your children to continue to studying, whether they live with you or not. I don't know what the laws of your shitty country are.

Thirdly, yes, allowed. As in within acceptable social etiquette.

Did you have any legitimate arguments in your reply?

all my arguments were legitimate; your attitude isn't.

I think you mean 'welcome' and I see your point. Fine, I'll apologise for the 'shitty country' jab. It has produced some good bands I suppose, but Australia is still better.

it doesn't matter what this board is made of; if you're not one, your should guard your tone when mentioning them.  period.

Hahaha. I AM ONE! I guess I should apologise to myself for mentioning homosexuals in my presence. Is this like the Voldemort thing? Are homosexualists the demographic that shall not be named?

engagement is a prelude to marriage in almost any society.  therefore, redundancy is in no way a part of my argument.  it's going to be a little harder for you to negate than that; sorry.

FACT: It is NOT illegal for a sixteen year-old to be engaged to someone.


of course i am speaking from the laws in my shitty country; that's where i live, and am familiar with the laws.  it doesn't make a shit to me what the laws are elsewhere, because i'm not invested in this situation, i am posting an opinion on a message board (and actually was under the impression the poster was american, mistakenly, or i wouldn't have mentioned the 'minor' laws).  so, okay, anyone who wants to in australia can fuck up their life over a dude, no problem.  the parents still have the option to a) cut her off, or b) stop paying for school, if they were, which it looks like she doesn't much give a damn about anyway.  or of course, c) slap her in the damn mouth and tell her to grow the hell up.

I don't care for any of those scenarios, because plainly and simply they have never worked and will never work. People need to and will make their own mistakes, especially when it comes to this sort of thing. This is how people grow up, they fuck up and they learn from it. They don't grow up by being punished for making fool-hardy decisions about love. That is the very opposite of encouraging someone to grow up.

regardless, censuring a sixteen-year-old, and disapproving of her relationship is a lot different than telling an adult they can or can't do as they wish, i don't care what country it is in.  a child still requires different treatment than an adult, and it would be a lot easier to stop her foolishness now than to try to put her life back together after this guy lets her fuck it up over him.  you're talking like, at age sixteen, she has the actual ability and right to make life decisions with familial impunity, and it's just not so.

Voicing disapproval is not something I have a huge problem with. I think it's a shitty thing to do but it's not the breach of rights that the scenarios you mentioned before were, but I believe that this girls parents responsibility, no-one elses. That is my main point.



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